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chele_yntema

Welcome, I offer psychotherapy for Burnout & Trauma. Connection, Compassion, and Clarity that moves you toward a life of joyous wonder and hope.

So valuable… I know this has played a huge role

So valuable… I know this has played a huge role in the things I process with my therapist. As a mum, sometimes the hardest thing to admit is that I am reacting to something developmentally appropriate with far more energy than it potentially calls for. It been so important to realise that sometimes I need someone who can help me make sense of my experiences as a single mum….

Repost from @bethtyson_traumaconsulting
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Tips for breaking the cycle of intergenerational trauma. Trauma can be passed down from us to our children when we become triggered and don’t know how to regulate or control our emotional responses.

This is a common occurrence, but there are things you can do. Being aware is the first step!

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#parenting #motherhood #daughter #singlemomlife #mom #mother #trauma #selfawareness #hope #therapy #intergenerational #generations #reaction #awareness #mentalhealth

Repost from @theeqschool • One of the most amazi

Repost from @theeqschool
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One of the most amazing things about human beings is how adaptable we are; as much as we may struggle with discomfort and change, our brains and bodies will do what they need to do to adapt and survive, especially when we’re developing as tiny people.

And everything we do as adults, we do for a reason.

As tiny people, we learned which sides of ourselves & which of our behaviors kept us safe and connected, and which behaviors produced contempt, disconnection, fear, boredom, anger, etc in our caregivers and families.

Our bodies remember, even if our conscious minds don’t.

And our patterns of behavior give us SO much information when we’re able to pause and zoom out a little.

It can be so helpful to look at your most frustrating habits and behaviors, the ones that you’d like to change, and see what they are doing for you.

Does your shame stop you from sharing your hurt feelings or sadness because you didn’t receive comfort when you needed it?

Does your instinct to bolt at the first sign of conflict keep you from being rejected or from that familiar feeling of disappointing someone?

Does your hot temper stop you from giving people the chance to hurt you again?

Instead of further shaming ourselves for these protective parts, try to acknowledge the job they were trying to do; they exist for a reason.

Then get curious about the tender part that lives beneath the behavior.

What does that tender part need to feel?
What support does it need from you now?

This is how we change patterns. This is how we begin to come back to ourselves and begin to feel safer in the world and in our own bodies, by reconnecting with the parts of ourselves that were hidden away and still have unmet needs and learning how to meet them.

Depth is my love language 😉 Repost from @ailey

Depth is my love language 😉

Repost from @aileyjolie
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The body holds what the mind cannot yet face. Submerged truths live in the tightness of a jaw, the heaviness of a chest, or the numbness of a clenched fist. These sensations are not random; they are the body speaking.

Depth psychology teaches us that what we repress does not vanish—it waits. The body remembers because it was there when the mind stepped back to protect you. This is where survival lived. And it’s also where healing begins.

To feel is to risk discomfort. To turn toward the body is to unearth what has been hidden—not to conquer it, but to witness it with compassion. This is not about release; it is about integration. The wisdom held in the body is not meant to be cast away—it is meant to be honored.

Pause for a moment. Place your hand on your heart or wherever you feel your body asking for attention. Breathe deeply. Ask yourself: What truths might my body be holding for me today

#depth #therapy #truth #compassion #hope #trauma

🐌🐌🐌 Repost from @theeqschool • In a wo

🐌🐌🐌

Repost from @theeqschool
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In a world filled with easy dopamine hits and instant gratification culture, we’re used to moving quickly.

But many of the most important aspects of life and humanity — growth, love, connection, healing, and self-knowledge, to name a few – can not and do not happen quickly.

It takes time to first identify old patterns,
then to be present to their impact,
then to begin to insert different ways of responding, then to sit with the discomfort of change, then to continue to learn and grow and adapt and deepen.

It takes time to really get to know someone.
To share and open yourself to them. To have experiences together that teach us about ourselves and the other and deepen our connection. To bear witness to each other’s struggles. To foster safety, intimacy, and deep familiarity as we learn how to show up for each other.

It takes time to develop a skill.

To practice the basics, to make mistakes, to try it in new contexts, with new materials, to start to see more and more nuances as you change variables and increase your own familiarity with the process.

It takes time to heal, when our bodies are so used to bracing, resisting, shutting down, or acting out.

It takes time to soften into the present moment and trust ourselves, and then others.

And these things should take time. None of it can happen without the time it takes being present, being with what is here now and witnessing the impact.

Allow yourself to slow down. Allow your body to process change. Allow things to unfold instead of forcing them into being.
Time takes time.

#slowdown #slow #time #takeyourtime #trauma #hope #care #selfcare #change

Repost from @lexyflorentina • Leaning into conne

Repost from @lexyflorentina
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Leaning into connection doesn’t just involve romantic connection. It’s in the way we interact with animals, the way we allow nature to take us in when we’re feeling lost, it’s in the way we let the sun land gently on our skin, and the way we allow ourselves to receive a smile from a kind person when it comes our way.

It’s in the way we are moved by a song, or feel emotional from a movie, or our eyes light up when we see a beautiful sunset. It’s in the way we choose to reconnect with ourselves again, our body and our youngest selves within.

Disconnection may have helped us survive but Connection is what’s brings us back to aliveness. So when we start dipping back into curiosity around connecting again - whether it’s with humans, animals, nature, our breath, our voice, our body - it’s a beautiful gift 🤍

“A profound gift” - there is a part of me that

“A profound gift” - there is a part of me that loves hearing that; especially growing up in a world that told me to “stop being so sensitive”…

Repost from @awakenwithally
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If we are sensitive, if we are givers or if we are skilled problem solvers —these are not flaws to fix, traits to overcome or something to heal from. These are integral parts of who we are, waiting to be reclaimed, honored, and nurtured.

When these traits are “coupled” with fear, they serve survival. But when coupled with safety, they become powerful, life-affirming resources.

Sensitivity, when coupled with fear, becomes a tool of survival. But sensitivity itself is not the problem; it’s the survival mode that hijacks it. To reclaim who we are, we must learn to pair our natural traits with a sense of recognition and safety.

Here’s how:

1. Recognize your sensitivity as a core part of who you are. Begin by acknowledging this truth and seeing your sensitivity as something to honor, not suppress.

2. Support your nervous system to regulate sensitivity (feel safe with). Your nervous system might perceive your sensitivity as a threat because it might have never been supported to regulate your sensitivity. Without this foundation, sensitivity can feel overwhelming or chaotic and trigger various protections.

3. Stop shaming your sensitivity. Many sensitive souls carry layers of conditioning that taught them their sensitivity was “too much” or “not enough.” Healing involves unraveling these beliefs and learning to see your sensitivity as a strength.

4. Put your sensitivity to “work for your healing. Sensitivity is not just something to manage; it’s a tool to deepen your healing. Make a habit of noticing what’s shifting for the better in your system or to notice what is beautiful or what feels pleasant. If you can feel deeply, then also feel deeply what’s good.

Imagine your sensitivity working for you rather than against you. The guide audio practices inside The Self-Attunement Audio Toolkit are here to support your system you shift out of this survival state, so your sensitivity can become the healing force it was always meant to be.

By Ally
#sensitive #hope #trauma #attunement

Alone and exposed. Exposed and alone. My very bei

Alone and exposed. Exposed and alone.

My very being unwanted as she was. Instead, misunderstood and abashed. Denigrated. Disparaged with blame… There was but a shadow of who I once knew.

Alone and exposed. Exposed and alone.

Hollowed, emptied of all that was left of me. There was nothing there for me, not then, not now, not ever.

They had taken my vulnerability and torn it to shreds, leaving me barren of protection. Stripped of my dignity.

Alone and exposed. Exposed and alone.

She wept. I wept…

Sometimes I still weep.

———————————

I think that it is safe to say that anyone who has experienced it truly knows that shame is an intensely distressing affective state. It is a state wherein we autonomically – physically, psychologically, relationally – shrink. And while for some this state is temporary, a conscious momentary affect wherein one can expand back to a sense of Self with worth, for others shame is an embodied anguish of Self defeat and alarmed aloneness.

That is, there is a form of embodied shame that permeates into our very being, a lingering sense of Self as insufficient or worthless. Perhaps even such is the emergent sense that one is fundamentally faulty.

This deeply felt sense of shame is not the evolutionarily defined shame that is intended to promote protection from harm… No, this shame we speak to henceforth is the shame that emerges from continued relational rupture (rejection or abandonment) without reparation (responsibility or accountability).

Indeed, this is an embodied emergence of fragmenting shame. A shame that transpires from a misuse (either conscious/intended or non-conscious/unintended) of relational power and hierarchy. This is a shame that is recursively disorientating, disorganising, and disintegrating: a shame that leaves one struggling to grasp a grounded sense of Self.

Continue Reading - link in bio

#shame #trauma #fragment #attachment #hope #rejection #abandonment_issues #mentalhealth #vulnerability #relationships #power #protection #connection

Burnout - remember your core emotional needs are a

Burnout - remember your core emotional needs are as vital as others core needs…

Repost from @the.holistic.psychologist
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There is a misconception that burnout comes from working too hard. And it can. Of course. People are working harder than ever. But there’s more to the story.

What triggers burn out is a lack of our emotional needs being met. If we feel lonely, isolated, in conflict with the people we love, or completely invalidated— our body responds.

We desperately need other people. We need belonging. We need to know we matter and that we can ask for help. We need to know maybe most importantly that our inner thoughts, emotions, pain, and desires have meaning. And we only know they have meaning when someone mirrors then back to us. When someone attunes to us.

These are our emotional needs.

This is why people might say I sleep 11 hours. Or I’m not even working right now but I’m exhausted why?! It’s also why people who are depressed and can’t get out of bed feel completely depleted and like they never got rest.

If you feel burnt out, think about your relationships:
— do you feel actually heard?
— can you trust people closest to you?
— do they check in and are they consistent?
— are they pouring into you like you do to them?
— can you speak without being judged?
— can you ask someone to just listen?
— do you know where you stand?

#burnout #trauma #breakdown #hope #depleted #emotion #need #relationships #connection

Dearest friend ♥️🩵💛 You are enough 🫶🏻

Repost from @handsfreerevolution
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“I know I’m not where I should be,” my friend said to me after receiving a judgmental comment from an extended family member.

Wait. Hold up a minute. Let me remind you of everything you ARE, I said to her and to anyone else who might need to hear this.

Besides ALL that you ARE, let me remind you that you are carrying some really heavy things right now, I added.

And then I said this: You know what you need to lose right now? The GUILT. Instead of guilting yourself, give yourself GRACE.

I repeated it three times, to which my friend said, “THAT’S IT! That is exactly what I need right now: Grace.”

So while we’re on the topic… what else might we be unreasonably expecting of ourselves this time of year?

Here’s a few…

* While you’re grieving, don’t expect yourself to celebrate the way you did in the past.

* While you’re navigating the darkness, don’t expect yourself to appear shiny and bright.

* While you’re struggling to make ends meet, don’t expect yourself to contribute in ways that deepen the hole.

* While adjusting to a new normal, don’t expect yourself to automatically know the ropes.

* While recovering, don’t expect yourself to perform at 100%.

What might be REASONABLE expectations of oneself this December?

♥️SAFETY - making choices that keep yourself and your people safe and healthy

🩵OXYGEN - making it a priority to pause and breathe life into what matters to you

💛GRACE - accepting yourself right where you are by offering self-compassion in abundance.

By focusing on safety, oxygen, and grace in the weeks ahead, you will be giving yourself and your family the greatest gift: YOU

Not the barely breathing, boxes-checked version of you—the wholly human version whose eyes shine with love because you are here despite the hard year you endured.

Friend, what you carry is already heavy enough.

What you ARE is already worthy.
Set down the unreasonable expectations.
Breathe in love and exhale grace.

You are here, and you are enough.

#grace #hope #love #enough #trauma #good #here #breathe #weight #safety #oxygen

Repost from @the.trauma.educator • Healing is no

Repost from @the.trauma.educator
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Healing is not about erasing the trauma, but rather transforming how we carry it.

In this process, we learn to safely reconnect with the sensations and emotions we’ve been suppressing. We break the cycle of avoidance and fear, and we invite these parts of ourselves to become integrated through mindful attention, sensing and exploration.

We start with tiny doses of activation, gradually returning to calm and safety. We give space to the body to complete its natural survival responses that were interrupted during trauma, and we integrate the fragmented pieces of our experience into a cohesive whole.

This process isn’t always easy, but it’s a journey that leads to more inner freedom and strength. It’s about changing the way trauma lives in us, so that it no longer controls us, but becomes something we can hold with compassion and embodied resilience.

Healing doesn’t make the past disappear, but it helps us transform how the past lives within us, so we can move forward in wholeness and empowerment.

Effie 🦋
#trauma #empowerment #therapy #hope #process #somatic #exporation #reconnection

This sits truly well with the parts of me that lik

This sits truly well with the parts of me that like to take things slowly…

Repost from @sarahbcoaching
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Wanting to take steps toward a bigger life?

In order to do that, we must work at the rate of our most apprehensive part.

Within each of us are many different parts. We have our adult selves, younger parts, protective parts and more.

Part of healing means getting to know the parts of us that feel scared of the life we’re desiring. Usually, it’s a part of us that once experienced something in the past where it wasn’t safe for them to be seen, known, exposed, make mistakes, use their voice, etc.

As we try to step toward the life we want, that part goes, “Oh, that’s really scary,” and then a protective part comes in and stops us in the form of dysregulation.

That can look like:

➡️ Self-sabotage
➡️ Freeze
➡️ Overwhelm
➡️ Shut down
➡️ Panic

And so many other experiences, too.

Once we’ve identified this scared part, we need to build our toleration to be a competent protector.

This means we are both:

1️⃣ Soft and nurturing (listening to them)
2️⃣ And ferociously protective (we can come to their aid to protect)

To really embody this, we want to somatically feel into our body for our healthy aggression or lifeforce energy. We can do that by imagining defending someone who is helpless or the anger we might feel about an injustice in the world.

Let your body feel powerful!

Then, from that powerful place, we take a tolerable step, which is how we also show the young parts of us that we’re here to protect them

With kindness and belief in you,
Sarah

#slow #slowdown #apprehension #appreciation #hope #fear #doubt #self #panic #shutdown #fight #flight #protectivestyles

What if it’s not about releasing, rather it’s

What if it’s not about releasing, rather it’s about completing…

Repost from @lexyflorentina
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Trauma doesn’t always simply “release” but rather finds completion, finds discharge, or gets transmuted into energy that we didn’t get to access when we were trying to survive.

Sometimes, emotional releases are a part of our process. But I often see this being something marketed as the end all be all. “Release the emotion in your body and you are healed”

But it’s not exactly this black and white.

Anytime we are overwhelmed beyond our ability to cope, anytime something happens too fast, too soon or is too much on our system - something gets interrupted, something doesn’t get to happen.

And in the renegotiation and resolution of trauma, it’s crucial that we allow the body time and space to explore what that might have been for us.

If there were no consequences: what would we have wanted to say?

If we knew we wouldn’t get hurt: what might we have wanted to do?

When this anger arises, what’s the physical act that your body wants to do?

If we could have chose what happened after: what would we have needed to experience?

There is so much more to the story than just emotion.

Physiology works in such a way that our body acts in service of our survival. And when we are faced with overwhelm, we will do what is ACCESSIBLE and safest to survive. But that doesn’t mean that something else didnt want to take place too.

This can often be a missing piece for us.

When we feel like we’ve felt the emotion of it so strongly but still feel this cycle of stuckness inside - it may be because something else is being called for.

When something feels incomplete, it likely is 🌀

#trauma #hope #release #complete #emotion #need #toomuch #overwhelmed #stuck #body #mind

Repost from @pasadena_trauma_therapy • Understan

Repost from @pasadena_trauma_therapy
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Understanding How Our Parts Show Up in the Body

In trauma therapy, especially when working with frameworks like Internal Family Systems (IFS) or parts work, we often talk about the inner world of “parts”—those aspects of ourselves that hold different emotions, beliefs, and experiences. But did you know these parts can also manifest somatically, in your body?

Our bodies are incredible storytellers. When a protective part feels overwhelmed, you might notice tightness in your chest, a racing heart, or clenched fists. If an exiled part—one holding deep pain—gets activated, you might experience heaviness, a lump in your throat, or a sinking feeling in your stomach. Even our calm, Self-led state has a distinct somatic signature: ease, openness, and a sense of grounded presence.

By tuning into these sensations, we create a bridge between body awareness and parts work. When we approach a somatic experience with curiosity, we might discover a protective part trying to shield us from hurt or an exiled part longing to be seen. This is where healing begins: honoring the body as a container for our parts and a gateway to connection with Self.

Next time you notice a bodily sensation, take a moment. Ask yourself: “Which part of me is showing up right now? What is it trying to tell me?” With time and practice, this gentle inquiry can deepen your connection to your inner world and foster a sense of wholeness.

How do you notice your parts showing up in your body?

#ifs #somatic #curiosity #body #coping #open #connection #emotion #grounded

There comes a time… Repost from @lexyflorentina

There comes a time…

Repost from @lexyflorentina
•
There comes a time when we begin to wake up as if we’ve been asleep for a very long time. We begin to see patterns in our family dynamics that we can’t unsee. We begin to feel emotions that we can’t unfeel and cannot suppress again. We begin to witness relational dynamics that we can no longer be a part of. We begin to realize the patterns that were passed down to us and how they are being played out in our life.

We begin to face truths about what we want and who we are that we’ve kept hidden to help us cope with the life we were living, but they are now demanding our attention. We begin to hear what our pain is really telling us. We begin to feel our body say no. We begin to see our parent’s wounding. We begin to hear our inner child ask for our help.

We begin to crave something else other than what we learned was just “the way it is”. And everything feels like it’s changing.

On the other side of this, we begin to regain choice, we begin to reconnect to our agency, we begin to reinhabit our body, we begin to self express, we begin to ask for what we need, we begin to set boundaries, we begin to cultivate meaningful relationships, we begin to build the life we actually want.

Slowly, gently, and one step at a time. No matter where you are in this journey, know that every step is taking you into the right direction for you, for this moment, for this season.

#slowly #gently #boundaries #seeing #trauma #truth #family #relationship #enough #patterns #emotions #dynamics

Repost from @mindfulmft —⁠ This is a quote fr

Repost from @mindfulmft

—⁠
This is a quote from my book, The Origins of You. We find endless ways to create safety/protection/connection in our lives when our wounds are in the driver seat. ⁠
⁠
In fact, we must. The problem is we’re not actually achieving the result that we want. When we’re prioritizing protection we can’t authentically connect. When we have to prioritize safety, we can’t properly be seen. There’s reason for this, of course, but our work is to do the healing that’s necessary so that we can put down our strategies and create space to be seen. To be connected to. To be revealed. To have true authentic connection with the relationships in our lives that are most important to us.

#connection #protection #hope #authenticity #seen #heard #understood #valued #trauma #safety

Repost from @youimprovedcounselling • There are

Repost from @youimprovedcounselling
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There are no “bad” feelings. Complications come from having an unhealthy, un-intelligent, immature relationship with them.

We learn about our emotions and feelings from those around us that are most influential to our life and survival. If we are surrounded by people who avoid emotions, who shame emotions, who become extremely activated and dysregulated by emotions, then how can we ever befriend them?

We will follow the template we’ve been conditioned to follow. Our emotions and feelings are our best friends. They are simply messages of safety, threat, comfort, concern, and so on. They motivate us to take action in our boundaries and to communicate our needs to the environment.

Simply put, they provide feedback that we need to pay attention to about the conditions we are surrounded by so that we govern ourselves effectively.

If this feels like an overwhelming burden to over come, start where you are in whatever small step you can take. Practice observing your felt sensations and tolerating, just a bit, how you feel as you pay attention to them.

Practice being curious with yourself, as this implies safety regardless of the felt sense. Use a feeling wheel to expand on the words you use to describe how you interpret what the felt sense means to you as well as the impulses that naturally connect with it.

Do what you can to befriend these sensations as you build tolerance, confidence, courage and of course the needed skill of no longer feeling afraid and uncomfortable with yourself. Your emotions and feelings won’t hurt you. Your mismanagement of them will. ❤️🙏🏼

#emotions #message #affect #mind #body #connection #hope

I love this sense of connection - sometimes it can

I love this sense of connection - sometimes it can be the small things…

Honouring words of wisdom from @ourembodiedhealing 🙏🏻
•
How can you get more connected, right now?

Not just with other people. Not just connection that feels good and warm and unmistakably nourishing. Our nervous system is looking and longing for connection as anchors to what’s HERE and what’s REAL.

So what can you do, right now, to plug back in to what’s here and what’s real?

Can you let your eyes take in the space around you, as if you’re seeing it for the first time? Giving your nervous system time to let each object that you see land and register inside? Can you slowly name to yourself some things you see—their color, texture, shape, size? Can you do this as you touch them, giving your body another sensory anchor to the present moment? Can you notice anything in you that settles or softens or eases as you do?

Can you walk and feel the floor beneath your feet, and sense the ground beneath the floor? Can you sit and feel that the chair or bed or sofa is stable, and holding you? Can you lean back or push down to feel that a little bit more, and allow a few moments to let your nervous system receive that support right now?

Can you call to mind someone whose life or presence or love inspires or buoys you—a loved one, an ancestor, an archetype, the child who smiled at you in the grocery store? Can you feel their goodness as a sliver of your own, in you, right now?

Can you turn toward yourself, however you’re feeling, and say hey, I’m here, and I want to know what’s real and true for me right now? Can you be more interested—just for a moment—in knowing, sensing, or feeling what’s happening for you, instead of immediately assessing, judging, or changing it? Can you take a few breaths, press your feet into the floor, and place your hands somewhere on your body that feel gentle and right?

All of that is connection. All of those are stepping stones to building more embodied safety.

#hope #connection #safety #presence #here #real #moment #trauma #therapy #mindfulness #slow #time #anxiety

Repost from @somiainternational • Healing is lea

Repost from @somiainternational
•
Healing is learning to offer love and compassion to the worst version of yourself—the one that lashes out, breaks down, or feels stuck in pain. When you let those parts be seen and accepted, your nervous system begins to feel safe, and true healing becomes possible.

It’s not perfection that heals you—it’s the willingness to sit with every part of who you are and say, “You are worthy of love, exactly as you are.”✨

😜 would love to feel this free one day 🥰

😜 would love to feel this free one day 🥰

Post written by Stephanie Grant, PHD of https://ww

Post written by Stephanie Grant, PHD of https://www.connecteddevelopmentpllc.com/ all credit to her Brilliance 🙏🏻

Moana 2 is coming out next week so some of you may be rewatching the first Moana film. But have you ever watched it from a trauma lens? It’s one of my favorites for this reason.

(**spoiler alert for the first movie**)

In the film, you have a a goddess of life, Te Fiti, who has her heart stolen and as a result death and destruction come to the world. Moana, our teenage heroine, finds Te Fiti’s heart and sets off across the ocean to restore it to her. Along the way she runs into monsters, the greatest of which is Te Ka, this giant raging lava monster.

As Moana is trying to battle Te Ka, using all her normal strategies (sarcastically enter behavior charts and reinforcement here), she finds herself failing. Then all of a sudden she has this realization that Te Ka is actually Te Fiti…this is what happened when her heart was stolen. So rather than getting into power struggles and battling against Te Ka, Moana shifts gears.

What we see next is that our heroine takes the behaviors Te Ka was using to push her away and uses then instead to pull Te Ka in closer into a relationship. A beautiful song plays in the background with the following lyrics (small adjustments made):

I have crossed the horizon to find you
I know your name
They have broken the heart that’s inside you
But this does not define you
This is not who you are
I know who you are

Then Moana and Te Ka connect, Moana restores her heart, and Te Ka experiences healing and is restored back to Te Fiti.
———

And that’s how you do trauma work. You realize that the raging lava kids spew at you is happening because they are terrified and hurting and they don’t remember - or often never learned - that they are someone who is valued and loved. And then you push into that, connecting and seeing them when no one else does.

And that’s when the really cool work happens. Inside that messy relationship when we see who a person is instead of getting distracted by the chaos they use to protect themselves.

#moana #mentalhealth #seebeyond #hope #trauma #youareenough #connection

Repost from @awakenwithally • What to know about

Repost from @awakenwithally
•
What to know about Feeling Safe:

1. Safety can feel unfamiliar at first.

Safety isn’t always a warm embrace—it might feel strange, uneasy, or even boring. Your system is accustomed to survival patterns like urgency, hypervigilance, or suppression. Safety feels foreign when it doesn’t match the constant activation you’re used to.

Even experiencing 1% safety while the rest of your system still moves through survival patterns is progress.

2. Safety thrives in the simple and small.

Instead of chasing grand transformations, move toward what feels:

Accessible: What can you do today that feels manageable?
Neutral: What doesn’t create resistance in your system?
Enjoyable: What small joys can you welcome without pressure?
Uncomfortable but tolerable: Safety sometimes requires stretching into the truth, like acknowledging a boundary or honoring an unmet need.

Safety emerges not through intensity but through gentle, consistent moments of honoring yourself.

3. Safety thrives in authenticity, but what is authenticity?

Safety is rooted in authenticity—the acceptance of what is present without shame, fear, or judgment. Instead of striving to feel or be different, practice noticing what’s true for you in this moment.

For example:

“I feel tired.”
“I feel disconnected.”
“I need a break.”

As you uncouple your present experience from judgment, shame, or pressure, you create space for authenticity, and in authenticity, safety emerges naturally. When we’re not at war with our reality, safety emerges.

4. Discriminate between 2 types of safety:

Safety to survive: the safety your system seeks during overwhelm, like controlling outcomes or avoiding triggers. It’s protective but often keeps you stuck.

Safety to heal: allows you to explore vulnerability, build trust in your capacity, and engage with life more fully.

Love,
Ally.
#safety #hope #trauma #therapy #counselling

Repost from @theempoweredtherapist • If you grew

Repost from @theempoweredtherapist
•
If you grew up in a family that swept everything under the rug, then you may find that unspoken conflict feels both familiar and distressing. In your childhood, if no one named what you felt inside then you may notice activation when you feel like something is off with someone in adulthood. If you became accustomed to guessing all of the words that went unsaid, then you may find you do a lot of relational planning and predicting in your relationships now.

Everything we experienced when we were younger lives inside of us, and if we don’t attend to these wounds, we are apt to repeat our patterns even as we enter into adult relationships.

Maybe you feel your anxiety increase when you aren’t sure how someone feels about you. Maybe you notice that you shut down when there is conflict between you and another person. Maybe you feel simultaneously sad, angry, and afraid when there is a dynamic occurring that you can’t quite understand.

If things weren’t explicit in childhood, we may feel particularly activated when things aren’t explicit in adulthood. As you are able, allow your mind to remind your body of what you do know and how you are safe. As you are able, look for the differences between stress and trauma. As you are able, remind yourself that adult you has more resources than child you, and that it isn’t your job to resolve every conflict all on your own.

To those of you who fear the unknown, the unspoken, and the unexplained, I see you.

#hope #trauma #passiveaggressive #aggressive #confused

“Maybe instead, it’s about developing your voi

“Maybe instead, it’s about developing your voice…. “

I love this ❤️

From @once_upon_an_upset

“lot of people say, “Trust that inner voice.”

But if you were raised by multiple people, especially multiple toxic people—maybe step parents, half siblings, temporary caretakers, whoever—you may have acquired multiple inner voices to help you cope with all these different kinds of people. And all these inner voices can be loud, contradictory and confusing!

If this is your experience, maybe it’s not so much about trusting your inner voice, bc *everything* you hear may feel wrong, wrong, wrong…

And I’m not sure the answer is to figure out which voice is yours, either.

Maybe instead, it’s about developing your voice.

By deliberately sitting down with yourself or with a trusted listener, and figuring out what’s most important to you right now.

And then developing a voice that’s aligned with what’s most important to you right now.

Sometimes I think of this voice as my inner elected official, that represents the values and ideas that are most important to me, values I can anchor to and consult with when the chaos of life feels like it’s sweeping me away.

So that when I’m really triggered by someone’s behavior, I can consult this inner voice I’m developing rather than allowing one of those contradictory voices I’ve internalized to tell me I ought to just suck it up and deal with the feeling of being stuck and unexpressed, and then lash out later when another voice fills me with indignation.

The inner voice I’m developing might not always “feel” like the right voice, but I see it as more of a commitment I’ve made to represent my most healed perspective and ideas and to use my skills to communicate-to-be-understood.

This doesn’t mean my voice won’t grow as I collect more experiences and widen my perspective, because part of what’s important to me is to stay flexible.

And it doesn’t mean I need to try and get rid of all those other voices and perspectives. They’ll probably still be there, and that’s fine. I can accept that they’re there and understand why they’re there, because that’s also important to me—to see through the lens of understanding and compassion.”

Repost from @lexyflorentina • My practice is roo

Repost from @lexyflorentina
•
My practice is rooted in attunement, not regulation. And this is why. So much of the mainstream information around the nervous system has become coupled to this misconception that activation within our nervous system needs to be deactivated and regulated every chance we get. And I see this question come up alot in my work with folks - “why can’t I ca myself down when I’m angry or sad or feeling shut down?” And I always like to ask them “when did you learn that you needed to?”

So many of us, myself included, learned that we had to contain or suppress parts of who we are. So it makes sense that when we hear all this buzz about regulating the nervous system and shifting our states, that we then jump into the old ways we learned to shift and morph ourselves. But this way of living actually further disconnects us, further confuses us, further breeds the Shame fueled narrative that “something is wrong with what I’m experiencing.”

If you can relate, know you’re not alone. And know there is another way ❤️

There is something about this quote that challenge

There is something about this quote that challenges me (I’m not a fan of the notion “wounded people”) and something that rings a little true to me….

I think I am recognising that in the past there were parts of me that worked so very hard to earn respect, and I have come to acknowledge that part of me was truly yearing to feel seen, heard, and understood. Parts of me yearning simply to belong somewhere, hoping that by demanding respect I might feel less alone.

At the same time I am also aware that there was a pivotal point where I was able to say “no more”. And I did manage to find the strength to walk away (not sure it was with confidence though 🫣).

With that said, I do notice these parts of me that want to demand respect or try to demand respect still exist. They are still quite fearful sometimes that I can’t be loveable if I don’t earn it… and so, there are still times when parts of me take over trying to fight for respect and a sense that I might matter. It takes a lot to see those parts working so hard and to come back to a grounded sense of Self that knows she matters no matter how I am treated by others.

From this I recognise just how hard it can be to walk away and just how much courage it takes. Especially if experiences of disrespect have been ongoing and pervasive.

Even if you notice parts of you fighting for respect, remember that those parts are there for a reason- your parts a fighting for an unmet need…

Repost from @projecthappiness_org
•
We don’t need to fight to prove we are worthy of respect. We don’t need to prove our value to anyone, or to earn their respect.

There is something off in that situation. Have the discernment to see others as they are, and most of all to remember who you are. You deserve to be surrounded by people who know how to treat others. Adjust your interactions. Protect your peace.

Confident people walk away from disrespect. Wounded people try to stay and fight for it. @the.holistic.psychologist

#youmatter #worth #dignity #hope #care #abuse #trauma #strength #fight #respect #protection #value #humanity

There is so much joy and delight in the inner chil

There is so much joy and delight in the inner child in me - it’s just sometimes that inner delight succumbs to the trepidation of others expectations and my own perceived failings in “adulting”…

Repost from @brigitannamcneill
•
I have come to realise that my most potent guide and inspiration, is the child me. The felt memory of who I was before the taming, the should be’s and the concrete poured on top of me, a time when I was the closest to my soul I have ever been and my wild spoke to me just like the soil speaks to the seed.
————-
• ART by @taryndraws •

#art #hope #quotes #poem #fear #delight #child #adulting #trauma #memory #inspiration #self #lost

Repost from @ourembodiedhealing • If you’ve fe

Repost from @ourembodiedhealing
•
If you’ve felt especially dysregulated in the last week, that’s appropriate. That includes your anger, your waves of hopelessness, and everything in-between. It’s not dysfunctional, it’s a sign you’re deeply human and that you deeply care. And…having strong emotions and strong survival responses is always, always a message from our nervous system showing us what our body is needing or wanting us to do.

Feelings of anger and rage happen when our nervous system is in a state of sympathetic activation or “fight.” Our physiology in that state is asking us to *mobilize*. If we can tap into enough internal or external support for it to be safe enough to inhabit and hold the charge of our anger, we can take powerful action that’s in alignment with our values and vision.

Feelings of despair or hopelessness happen when our nervous system is in a state of dorsal vagal shutdown. Our physiology in that state is asking us to *immobilize*. If we can tap into enough internal or external support for it to be safe enough to allow our energy to be slower or lower, we can find the rest and pause we need to recover and restore, and ultimately, to continue forward after.

*Any* dysregulation, no matter the flavor, is an indication that we need more support or more connection in some way. Seek out those things wherever you can, in any source of relative goodness that feels true and real. Look for it in trusted others, in work that feels right, in the familiarity of the ordinary, in lighthearted and simple distractions, in dependable practices, and in the land and nature that surround and hold you each day. Every drop counts, and being resourced even 2% more is what’s going to allow you to show up for the people and things most important to you (including you 💓).

#dysregulation #fight #flight #shutdown #freeze #trust #trauma #alone #support #therapy #hope #hopeless

Sometimes this can be so hard - especially when th

Sometimes this can be so hard - especially when the embodied fear stems from that of relational disconnect created through shaming…

Repost from @theeqschool
•
If we want to work toward greater security & stability in our relationships, we have to learn how to tolerate emotional discomfort in our own bodies. We have to learn to be present to the discomfort of our emotional unfoldings without giving into innate urges to avoid, attack, or appease.

Instead we can learn to pause. To self-attune.

To be present to our own feelings, and to get curious about the deeper needs and perhaps older wounds being touched on by the current moment.

To validate the feeling and to remind ourselves that it is ‘okay’ to feel that way.

To see how our past is showing up in the present.

To self-soothe and to give ourselves reassurance first.

To find safety in our own bodies and our own presence - it takes practice, but I assure you, this is possible.

Because every human we’re in relationship WILL disappoint us at some time or another. Humans are fallible. We mess up. We hurt each other. And it doesn’t have to mean that it’s a bad relationship or that they’re the wrong person for us.

It’s recognizing that we’re both complex individuals with a lifetime of experiences that shape how we’re showing up in this moment.

That we both have sensitivities & patterns, and that we both always have room for growth. That we both need understanding and help sometimes.

So when moments feel hard, we can remind ourselves the we can can sit with the discomfort and we can learn how to stay connected to ourselves, so that we can show up feeling more supported and grounded as we navigate creating new ways of relating & connecting .

It all starts within. With knowing and being in relationship with your own body.

#body #mond #hope #trauma #therapy #emotion #fear #shame #relationshipgoals #relationship #together

Repost from @matthewlicata • We’ve all been gi

Repost from @matthewlicata
•
We’ve all been given experience in this life that we haven’t been able to process consciously. For whatever reason, it was just too much. Overflow in the vessel.

To turn toward it directly was a portal into overwhelm, shut down, collapse, and fragmentation. It was intelligent to protect a sensitive psyche and nervous system.

Emotional experience that is unable to be felt, articulated, made sense of, and integrated becomes sequestered into underground storage, into neural networks and shadow regions, held in our bellies, hearts, and throats; frozen and crystallized into our muscles, organs, and cell tissue.

From here, it colors our perception and capacity to imagine and play in reality.

Unlived, undigested psychic material becomes personified as the figures who come to visit us during the dream time as well as our dayworld fantasies.

Not as an obstacle to our path, but as an emissary of the path itself. A representative of a future wholeness; an ally of integration, though in an unrecognized, sometimes wrathful form.

There are moments in my therapy practice when I’ll be sitting with someone who is really struggling. But there’s a way that they can’t actually feel what’s happening, they can’t contact the felt quality of the open wound. It’s just not safe enough. And by this “someone,” I include myself.

There is no healing without the wound being open first, weeping and seeping, for a closed wound cannot receive the tincture. Inside the wound the medicine is already active.

In the very center of the physical and subtle tears, the lost orphans of psyche and soma reside, awaiting the nectar that will unfreeze and de-crystallize them, and reveal an open door.

It’s possible to slow down now, lay on the Earth, go into the forest, into inner and outer nature and unveil a portal to these ones, and communicate our intention, desire, care, and devotion to know and hold them, and to help them find their way home.

Art: @kristamarleena

#hope #trauma #lost #intention #communication

Repost from @pasadena_trauma_therapy • The holid

Repost from @pasadena_trauma_therapy
•
The holidays can be a challenging time for trauma survivors for several reasons:

●Increased Stress and Expectations: The pressure to celebrate and create a festive atmosphere can lead to heightened anxiety. Survivors may feel overwhelmed by the expectations to participate in social gatherings or adhere to traditions that may remind them of their trauma.

●Social Isolation: For some, the holidays can amplify feelings of loneliness, especially if they are distanced from family or friends due to past experiences. This isolation can trigger feelings of sadness or abandonment.

●Family Dynamics: Many trauma survivors may have complex or strained relationships with family members. Holiday gatherings can bring up painful memories or unresolved conflicts, leading to emotional distress.

●Loss and Grief: The holidays often highlight feelings of loss, whether from the death of a loved one or the end of a relationship. Reminders of what has been lost can intensify grief and trauma-related feelings.

●Triggers and Memories: Certain sights, sounds, or smells associated with the holidays may trigger traumatic memories. For example, familiar decorations or holiday music might evoke difficult emotions or flashbacks.

●Pressure to Conform: Society often portrays the holidays as a time of joy and togetherness, which can create feelings of inadequacy or shame for those who are struggling. Survivors may feel pressured to “put on a happy face” despite their internal struggles.

These are just a few ways that holidays could be challenging. Stay tuned for tips on how to navigate this holiday season!

Repost from @emily.sanders.therapy • Despite our

Repost from @emily.sanders.therapy
•
Despite our best efforts, some things can’t be rushed. ❤️‍🩹 We can can remain open and teachable so as not to get in the way of our healing- but like it or not, many significant things take time, in addition to reflection and effort.

#time #hope #health #mentalhealth #mental #intention #heal

At times I hold this belief… often this is where

At times I hold this belief… often this is where the perfectionist part of me shows up to protect me from those feelings of unworthiness…

Repost from @kayatoastforthesoul.sg
•
Hey you out there, are you a flawed human being too?

Perhaps are you - just like me - too sensitive at times?

Or too reactive or too emotional?

Do you have times when you react in a way that you don’t really like and deeply regret your actions afterwards?

Do you make mistakes and feel horrible about it too?

Ah I see.

Then hello there, my fellow flawed human being.

How nice it is to meet you.

To know that there are others like me, just like you, in this wide, wide world of ours.

A world where flaws are often shamed on, or otherwise hidden away and not really shown.

A world that prefers to only show the best “sides” of ourselves if possible.

Because apparently having flaws are a bad thing.

But how flawed is that in itself?

The idea that having flaws make you unworthy of acceptance?

Of being loved?

—

So this is me, just being me with all of my flaws.

Somedays are great, some days just aren’t.

Somedays I’m at my 100%, some days I’m just 10%.

Because I am a flawed human being, not at all perfect.

With many sides of me that can be criticised, looked down and frowned upon by people.

But here I am - still accepted, still loved by the people I love.

Just like you are or will be too.

Yes, even with all your flaws.

Because flaws are part of being human.

And human you are.

Still worthy of love.

Take care,
Hernping

🏕️

#flaws #humanbeing #worthy #enough #mentalhealth #depression #worth

Repost from @lexyflorentina • In the wake of our

Repost from @lexyflorentina
•
In the wake of our healing journey, we can so often question if what we’re doing is enough to make an impact on those we care about.

“How can I ensure that I don’t pass down my trauma to my kids?”

“How can I make sure that I’m changing the pattern from my parents marriage in my own now?”

“How can I be certain that I won’t end up just like the rest of my family?”

“How can I know things will be different if I’m the only one doing the work in my life?”

These questions are so valid and are so present for many of us

And…

What I often remind my clients when these questions arise is “we don’t know”

We don’t know, we can’t be certain, we can’t control it, we can’t predict it. But what we can know with full certainty is that because you’re asking those questions, change is already possible, difference is already in the making.

If the people in our life were asking these questions before we had to ask them ourselves, things might have been different - so imagine now, how much difference you’re making for your further self, your younger self, and those you love and care for around you.

You’re making a difference. Your journey matters. Your questions are important. You’re already enough.

We may not be able to change the past entirely, be we can certainly change the future 🤍

#enough #youareenough #hope #trauma #chnage #family #past #certainty #relationships

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Chele Yntema is a Registered Practicing Counsellor with The Psychotherapy & Counselling Federation of Australia.

In the spirit of reconciliation I acknowledges the Traditional Custodians of Country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. I pay my respect to their Elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today.

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