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Knowing yourself
is the beginning
of all wisdom.

Aristotle

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chele_yntema

I offer psychotherapy for Burnout, Breakdown, & Trauma. Connection, Compassion, & Clarity that moves you toward a life of joyous wonder & hope.

We were and are never too much… We are simply h

We were and are never too much…

We are simply human, expressing our most embodied pain…

And you never have to apologise for that.

Repost from @frank_andersonmd
•
Sometimes the feelings that seem “too big” or “out of proportion” are actually just old emotions finally getting airtime.

Not because you’re broken or dramatic. But because for the first time, you’re safe enough to feel what you couldn’t feel before.

This is one of trauma’s quiet contradictions: Healing doesn’t always feel calm.

Sometimes it looks messy. Emotional. Overwhelming. But that doesn’t mean you’re going backward. It might mean your system is finally catching up.

So if a part of you is showing up with big emotion, try not to shame it or shut it down. Get curious. Ask what it didn’t get to say back then.

When you stop calling it ‘too much,’ that part finally feels seen rather than silenced. And that changes everything.

Repost from @draimie • Your body follows 5 preci

Repost from @draimie
•
Your body follows 5 precise steps to protect you from danger.

The Startle → your lightning-fast alert system
The Stress → your energy surge to overcome
The Wall → the moment you realize you can’t win
The Freeze → when movement becomes dangerous
The Shutdown → ultimate energy conservation

These aren’t random reactions. They’re sophisticated survival programming that kept you alive.

Your trauma response isn’t evidence you’re broken—it’s evidence your body knew exactly what to do when you felt powerless.

Now the question becomes: how do we help your body complete what it started and find its way back to safety?

Understanding these steps changes everything about your healing journey.

Repost from @theeqschool • In a world filled wit

Repost from @theeqschool
•
In a world filled with easy dopamine hits and instant gratification culture, we’re used to moving quickly.

But many of the most important aspects of life and humanity — growth, love, connection, healing, and self-knowledge, to name a few – can not and do not happen quickly.

It takes time to first identify old patterns,
then to be present to their impact,
then to begin to insert different ways of responding,
then to sit with the discomfort of change,
then to continue to learn and grow and adapt and deepen.

It takes time to really get to know someone.
To share and open yourself to them. To have experiences together that teach us about ourselves and the other and deepen our connection. To bear witness to each other’s struggles. To foster safety, intimacy, and deep familiarity as we learn how to show up for each other.

It takes time to develop a skill.
To practice the basics, to make mistakes, to try it in new contexts, with new materials, to start to see more and more nuances as you change variables and increase your own familiarity with the process.

It takes time to heal, when our bodies are so used to bracing, resisting, shutting down, or acting out.
It takes time to soften into the present moment and trust ourselves, and then others.

And these things should take time. None of it can happen without the time it takes being present, being with what is here now and witnessing the impact.

Allow yourself to slow down. Allow your body to process change. Allow things to unfold instead of forcing them into being.
Time takes time.

Repost from @hannahfrasermoore • Control is not

Repost from @hannahfrasermoore
•
Control is not personality. It’s a structure. Built early. Around absence.

Michael Balint called it the ‘Basic Fault’ a rupture in the foundation of care so deep, the child can’t protest it. She just adapts.

No one comes. So she becomes good. Composed. Unshakeable.

Control becomes the psychic skin that keeps her from disappearing altogether.

But it’s not strength. It’s fear, ritualised. Shame, dressed in structure.

And the psyche splits.

Not into the wild woman. (Yet.)

First into the maiden.

The good girl.

The one who silences appetite, dismantles her instincts, blends so she won’t be left.

Control is not power; it’s the choreography of survival.

✨But instinct is never lost. It waits. It burns. And eventually, it calls you back.

Repost from @aileyjolie • Your body is not separ

Repost from @aileyjolie
•
Your body is not separate from nature. It is nature remembering itself.⁠
⁠
Healing happens when we are met by land, by light, by the steady presence of life moving around us. And yet, modern life teaches us to heal alone.⁠
⁠
We seek calm through apps and protocols. We withdraw when what we need most is to be held; by each other and by the world. ⁠
⁠
But your body remembers.⁠
⁠
It knows it was never built to be micromanaged or made “good.” It is here to belong.⁠
⁠
Forests soften vigilance.⁠
Ocean waves steady breath.⁠
Green spaces dissolve hypervigilance.⁠
The scent of soil coaxes rest.⁠
Birdsong signals safety.⁠
Moonlight offers permission to slow.⁠
⁠
This is not indulgence... no matter how wellness culture sells it.⁠
⁠
This is biology. This is belonging.⁠
⁠
Eco-psychology reminds us: healing happens in relationship. Not only to others but to place, to rhythm, to the living world.⁠
⁠
Your body is not failing when it longs for connection. It is asking to return.⁠
⁠
Return honestly. Return to rhythm. Return to relationship with everything that makes you whole again.⁠

This is the stuff that matters Repost from @the.

This is the stuff that matters

Repost from @the.trauma.educator
•
Just because a person or an environment doesn’t have the capacity, willingness or even responsibility to meet our need doesn’t mean our need isn’t valid.

The need itself is valid irrespective of how it’s perceived or responded to.

But here’s an important nuance.

Sometimes, we can become rigid or fixated on having our needs met in one particular way, or by one particular person, because that part of us is still in survival mode, still hoping that, this time, we’ll finally be seen, held, or chosen in the way we needed long ago.

But part of healing is learning to say:

“This need exists. It matters. And while I may not get it met in the way I once imagined, I will stay open to finding ways to support it with myself, or through relationships that can co-create this with me.”

When you validate yourself in this way, rather than suppressing your need, your “neediness” to have it met lessens. It will still be there, but the desperation to meet it here and now will dissipate.

This is the somatic work.

🌱Sustainably learning to meet the shame, guilt and anxiety that show up.

🌱Supporting the body to digest the grief of not having your needs met for way too long

🌱And building the capacity to be open to possibilities of how these needs can be met without blaming, apologizing or over-explaining.

Because there are ways to honor what you need without demanding what’s not available with certain people or environments.

Repost from @theeqschool • This is why healing i

Repost from @theeqschool
•
This is why healing is very uncomfortable at first, and why a lot of people avoid it.

It’s disorienting; it feels unsafe to expose tender parts of yourself that have been hidden away for very good reasons.

But you can’t breathe easily if parts of you are always hidden away; if self-protective armor hides the most vulnerable, human, and relatable parts of you.

To heal is to get to know the parts that exist deep beneath the armor, and to safely give them space to be felt, known, and seen.

To notice the moments when you shut down, go numb, pull back, attack, blame, or judge, and to get curious about what that reaction is trying to protect you from.

And those parts can only make their way to the surface when your body feels safe enough to be present to them.

Safe enough to be present to the pain without judgment or agenda.

When it feels safe enough to just be known, witnessed, and held.

If you’ve never really known this level of safety, it can be hard at first to soften the armor. But it’s only in getting to know these tender parts of ourselves, allowing them to feel and exist, and in learning how to create safe spaces within ourselves to let our humanity breathe, that we really begin to heal.

And as you begin to heal, your relationship to the outside world changes. When you trust yourself, you become more trustworthy and the world opens to you, too.

It’s not that you need to change, but it’s learning to be a safe space for all of your humanity.

This 🫶🏻

Repost from @the.trauma.educator
•
Looking back at certain long-term dynamics in my life, romantic, friendship, family, and work, I can say something with my hand on my heart:

I often overreacted.

The way I expressed myself was sometimes disproportionate to what was happening at that moment.

Because I didn’t yet have the awareness and most importantly the somatic capacity to communicate better and clearly.

But I’ll also tell you this: Most of the times, I was right that something was off or not quite right. I was tapping on something I didn’t have the tools to navigate.

At the time, because I knew I was overreacting, I assumed I must be reacting out of nothing. I blamed myself. I believed when the other person said I was overreacting.

And I was convinced that:

“I was too sensitive.”
“I shouldn’t need this.”
“I was creating a problem out of nowhere.”

And this is where many people with complex trauma get stuck.

Pendulating between overreaction and withdrawal. Between lashing out and disappearing. Between 0 to 100mph.

But here’s the thing: Overreaction doesn’t mean our instinct is wrong. It just often means our delivery is shaped by a nervous system in survival, but we indeed spotted something important that has to be addressed for the space to feel safe and nourishing.

The work is not to erase that signal.

It’s to build the capacity to stay with it.

To notice what’s real. To name it.

To speak clearly, not from collapse or eruption, but from self-trust.

This is how we stop abandoning ourselves.

This is how we stop convincing ourselves that we’re “too much” just because we haven’t yet learned how to respond to our truth.

Effie 🦋

Repost from @hollyhatamillustration • Remember y

Repost from @hollyhatamillustration
•
Remember your H’s for the moments you’re hanging on by a thread, holding it all in, or hoping something shifts.
Hurt Honestly: because pretending you’re fine doesn’t make it go away.

Hope: even if it’s small, even if it’s quiet—hold onto it.

Hide: it’s okay to pull back when the world feels too loud.

Hold On: you don’t have to know what’s next—just don’t let go yet.

Help: ask for it. You don’t have to do this alone.

Honour: the part of you that kept going even when everything hurt.
Which “H” do you need today?

#mentalhealthawarness #therapeuticart #healingart #emotionalart #mindfulness

Repost from @ifstherapy_annavincentz • Stop unde

Repost from @ifstherapy_annavincentz
•
Stop underreacting!
You’re too insensitive!
Maybe you should smile a bit less!

In a world where the unhealthy is accepted as correct because it has become the norm, we teach ourselves and each other to numb our feelings, our empathy, our relational eyesight.

We tell those we hurt to stop overreacting, to not be so sensitive, that the cruelty and power abuse we exhibit was just good humour or that they brought it on themselves.

Being vulnerable becomes a weakness instead of the strength it is.

Being sensitive, feeling other people, the environment and ourselves becomes something negative instead of the gift it would be in a safe and respectful environment.

And in a world where we numb, we shut off, we shame and we blame people for acting too human, for being too present in the feelings and emotions that they are experiencing, we tell them to hide it away to not inconvenience us.

“Maybe you should smile a bit more, so that no one will see how you really feel, so that you will be alone in your experience or pain, and so that I will lose any chance I have to get to know you.”

No thank you! In a world where the unhealthy is the norm, I ask you to please stop underreacting, stop being (or pretending to be) insensitive, stop smiling to please other people.

I ask you to be you.

Know that you no longer have to be alone in this.

Know that you no longer have to be alone in this. Reach out when the monsters feel real.

Repost from @hannahfrasermoore

Bedtime is supposed to be safe, but for many, it was the hour the psyche began to split.

Not because of what was said, but because of what was never named.

In homes where no one could meet your fear, the child had to do something impossible: Hold what was unspoken. Repair what was ruptured. Soften what was intolerable.

Make meaning from untranslatable chaos.

Wilfred Bion called this beta elements; the raw emotional experiences that cannot be thought until they are contained by another mind.

When no one offers that containment, the psyche must become its own holding environment.

That’s when monsters arrive. Not just fantasy, but the language the psyche uses to survive the unprocessed.

This is not just something that happened once.

It becomes a structure. A pattern, an entrenched way of coping drenched in shame, dread and anxiety.

And it shows up later in adulthood - in your difficulty sleeping, your fear of the quiet. In your inability to stop moving.

Take heart, you no longer have to be alone. It is ok to reach out to those who can support you through these realms of darkness.

#trauma #nightmare #hope #therapy #ptsd #cptsd

Repost from @amythelifecoach • You weren’t “

Repost from @amythelifecoach
•
You weren’t “too sensitive”. You were trying to stay safe the only way your nervous system knew how.

If you grew up in chaos, unpredictability, or emotional neglect, you may have learned to regulate by scanning everyone else first.
You paid attention to tone. To facial expressions. To energy shifts in the room.

Not because you were dramatic. Because you were adaptive.

But here’s the cost: You learned to over-attune to others - and under-attune to yourself.

This post gives you one way to start coming back to yourself.

Not by forcing confidence…
But by practicing internal attunement - so your emotions don’t have to hijack you.

Repost from @restored.woman • When we have unhea

Repost from @restored.woman
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When we have unhealed wounds we focus on the other person and forget about ourselves..

Labeing their behavior and analyzing gives us a sense of false control..

Focusing on what they need or what their issues are prevent us from looking within and paying attention to how we feel.

The thought of leaving is unbearable so our abandonment wound take the drivers seat..

We would rather try to help them and find a way to stay, than to face the pain of losing them..

But... healing is possible

🌟imagine being so rooted in your self worth that you could walk away from relationships that are unhealthy to you

🌟 or, trust that your instinct are right, and set boundaries that protect you from mistreatment..

Repost from @frank_andersonmd • Short answer: Ye

Repost from @frank_andersonmd
•
Short answer: Yes. And it’s more common than most people realize.

You might feel anxious, shut down, constantly on edge - or like you’re always waiting for something bad to happen…but have no “big” trauma you can point to. That doesn’t mean nothing happened. It might mean your nervous system inherited a survival pattern.

You get 50% of your genes from each parent - which means that you can have PTSD symptoms even if you never lived through trauma yourself.

So how does trauma get passed down?

1️⃣ Through your biology
When a parent or grandparent lives through something overwhelming—like war, abuse, or traumatic loss—their body adapts to survive. Those adaptations can be passed on by changing how certain genes “turn on” or “turn off”—a process called gene expression. In simple terms, trauma can leave a chemical imprint that tells the body: “Stay alert. It’s not safe.”

▶︎ In one of the most well-known studies, Dr. Rachel Yehuda found that children of Holocaust survivors showed altered stress hormone level - mirroring their parents’ trauma, even though they didn’t live through it themselves.

▶︎ Similar findings were seen in babies whose mothers were pregnant during 9/11 - they showed biological signs of trauma exposure.

2️⃣ Through emotional environments
This is the emotional tone of the home you grew up in. It’s not always about what was said—but what was felt.
▪️ Was the air filled with tension?
▪️ Did you walk on eggshells?
▪️ Were emotions welcome or ignored?
Even if no one talked about trauma, your body picked up the signal: “This isn’t safe.”

3️⃣ Through relationship dynamics
These are the roles, rules, and unspoken agreements you learned by watching how people interacted.
▪️ Did you have to be the “peacemaker” or “caretaker”?
▪️ Was love earned through performance?
▪️ Did you learn to shrink, explode, or stay silent to keep the peace?

Your nervous system is shaped not just by your experiences - but by your lineage, your culture, your environment.

And here’s the hopeful part: Just like trauma can be passed down, so can healing.

When we become aware of what we’ve inherited, we can start choosing what we pass on next.

Repost from @theeqschool • When you own where yo

Repost from @theeqschool
•
When you own where you are and are clear about that with the people in your life, you’re doing a few very important things:

First, you’re respecting that you’re two different people with different needs, perspectives, rhythms, boundaries, values, etc. That (seemingly) baseline acknowledgment is KEY for healthy relationships. And it’s often missing!

Two, you’re bravely modeling vulnerability by sharing more about where you really are and what you really need. Not only does this give the person the opportunity to know you more intimately, it gives them REAL information to go on. They can make better decisions about how to support you or be in relationship with you when they have better information about where you actually are.

Which, three, makes it safer (hypothetically - it can take time) for them to respond more authentically about where they are, AND it opens the door to making it safe for them share what’s going on with them at a later date.

I was raised in more codependent system and did not always operate this way, so beginning to recognize that I am my own unique being with my own needs and desires has freed me to allow others to do them. Which is actually a lot more supportive; it allows for greater connection and intimacy because we each get to be seen for who we are in the dynamic (which can be scary & triggering at first!)

If you’re working on bringing more of this healthy dynamic to your relationships, it starts with YOU. With connecting more deeply to what makes you you, owning what’s yours, and believing in your undeniable right to be a little different from everyone else.

When you start to feel more solid here, you want others to know that deep joy and it becomes intuitive to allow that space for their becoming.

Repost from @aliharristherapyandco • Like pretty

Repost from @aliharristherapyandco
•
Like pretty much everyone who shows up to therapy, you waited until things got REALLY bad before you reached out for help. Way back, at first, you felt the sad… but you decided it was ‘just a phase’ - a blip - and you felt sure it would pass. So you waited for it to pass.

BUT.

The sad set in more and brought anxiety along with it. You tried to think positive, attempted to shake it off. You smiled more. You laughed louder. But when you were alone you felt its tendrils working their way deeper into you.

You began to sleep badly. Maybe you drank more. Struggled to focus. Your relationships suffered. You tried harder. Resolved to make a shift. But sank deeper.

Time passed. Things deteriorated. Life became suffering. You started to panic. And flail. All internally. Things looked bleak. You didn’t want to believe it was happening but you realised that you were sinking.

Finally you decided to get help.
It wasn’t easy.
A few false starts.
But you did it.
And now you’re in therapy.
It’s helping.
But it’s so slow.

You feel impatient.

You sit across from me in our early sessions.

You’re feeling some relief from our sessions.

But you are frustrated.

And you ask:
“WHEN is this going to work?”
“HOW LONG must I feel like this??”

And I feel for you.
I’ve been there too.

Demanding that my therapist reveal the secrets of instantaneous healing.

Feeling aggrieved that years of sadness and pain and toxic relating can’t be nearly resolved in a few weeks or months.

I know.
It’s hard to be patient.
Hard to believe.
Hard to hang in there.
And exhausting.

It’s not a sprint.
It’s a marathon.

You’re not alone.
I’m with you.

I can’t run your race but I can run along side you.

I can help you choose your route.

I can help you pace yourself.

I can support you to keep going when it’s tough.

And I’ll sit with you whenever you need to take a break.

Things will go easier for you if you can be patient with yourself.

Give yourself grace.

Instead of railing against yourself.

You can do this.

And it will take as long as it takes.

Ok! Let’s go!

Art: candidly_carly_

Driven by shame, we hide… Repost from @thesecu

Driven by shame, we hide…

Repost from @thesecurerelationship
•
There are a few ways shame manifests itself in avoidant attachment, just as there are a few ways it manifests itself in the other attachment styles. This is one way….hiding emotions.

This is not done deliberately. We typically will hide from others what we work really hard to hide from ourselves. It’s all the same hiding. We don’t want to view ourselves as shameful and we don’t want others to view us as shameful.

Both roads lead to rejection and loneliness.

In the process we feel disconnected from our full selves and disconnected from others (to varying degrees…some people carry a little shame, some people are consumed by it, and everything in the middle).

Shame wants to hide itself and this is really what gets in the way of healing, more than anything else. If we can’t look at, and explore, our shame, we can’t heal. Shame creates blocks to self-awareness…..the more shame one carries the more they will fear touching it, and the more they fear touching it, the more they will be blocked to self-reflection, and the more they are blocked the harder it will be for them to work on themselves.

Before you blame avoidants as being the only ones struggling with this, try not to let yourself fall into that flawed logic….it will only keep you stuck.

Anxious partners are equally blocked by shame, and equally disinclined to face it. That’s why they stay so stuck in other-focused blame.

Disorganized partners have the most shame of all…high shame=high fear=more extreme measures to stay safe.

The good news is that everyone can heal, but it does take a willingness and ability to look at your shame.

I feel at times this may be the hardest concept to

I feel at times this may be the hardest concept to reestablish within - that to look after myself and to value my Self isn’t a sin of pride and selfishness that is punishable by humiliation and denigration.

Repost from @ifstherapy_annavincentz
•
Only when we have boundaries can we really connect.

Only when we can say no can we give a real yes.

Listening inwards and taking care of yourself is the least selfish and actually the most relational thing you can do.

It is a selfless act to take care of yourself and a misunderstood and twisted “kindness” to lose yourself in order to please others.

#boundaries #selfish #selfcare #kindness

Repost from @awakenwithally • What needs to happ

Repost from @awakenwithally
•
What needs to happen to experience more safety:

1. Change the center from where safety comes.

Where does your system source safety? From your mind’s interpretations and control? From how others perceive you? From adapting to avoid conflict? From things going as you expect?

This is not sustainable — it’s survival-based safety. It’s the kind that helped you endure in the past, but now keeps you stuck.

To feel safer, we need to shift the center of safety from external conditions or control to internal truth. Safety comes from meeting your needs, standing up for yourself, speaking up, listening to what’s real.

2. Root safety in being — not in symptoms.

Symptoms and reactions don’t need to disappear for safety to exist. It’s not their presence that creates unsafety — it’s how we respond to them.
Unsafety arises from:

– Lack of awareness of what’s happening within us
– Over-identification with the reaction (“I’m frozen”)
– Insufficient space to be with what’s arising
– Mis-attunement to the body’s signals

Safety grows when we stop trying to control symptoms and start being in relationship with them. When we root in presence — listening, attuning, responding — rather than resisting or suppressing.

3. Expand your capacity to hold internal contradictions.

Safety deepens not by eliminating inner conflict, but by learning to be with it — to welcome the paradoxes within. Often, unsafety arises from black-and-white, from a rigid “this or that” approach. A voice inside might say, “I want connection,” while another whispers, “I don’t want that.”

True safety comes from not making one voice good and the other bad, not blaming the hesitant part or forcing the one that wants connection. It comes from holding both with compassion and curiosity.

Love,
Ally.

#safety #connection #fear

This 100x over… Repost from @the.holistic.psych

This 100x over…

Repost from @the.holistic.psychologist
•
If you want more peaceful and connected relationships— don’t give advice.

Just listen. People know what they’re supposed to do.

They know when something isn’t right.

They just want a space without judgement where they can be heard. This is especially true if they’re in grief and pain.

To sit with suffering is the highest form of love and respect.

#respect #care #compassion #trauma #hope #advice

Repost from @lexyflorentina • One of the greates

Repost from @lexyflorentina
•
One of the greatest acts of self love is being willing to give our body the space to experience and express what it never got to in the past.

When we always had to clamp down against our own anger.

When it was only safe to say yes but never to say no.

When we learned we had to override our boundaries.

Then healthy aggression likely never got to be expressed

Our primal, instinctual impulse to protect, defend and orient to our own boundaries becomes inhibited in the face of threats

So when we begin healing, and renegotiating what gets to happen for us now…. it’s often that we also start to experience more of our own healthy fight energy emerge.

This doesn’t mean something is wrong but quite literally that something Is right!

That out body is finally sensing that there is enough space for its suppressed responses to emerge for it to finally have a voice and a choice.

This is love turned inward. When we choose to pursue healing over cotinuing the cycle, when we continue to befriend our body, offer it the conditions it needs to sense safety in real time, we regain access to our innate power.

#freedom #hope #trauma #power #empowerment

Indeed!

Repost from @ourembodiedhealing
•
Let’s stop calling people whose nervous systems are stuck in survival states resistant, non-compliant, lazy, or unwilling.

Let’s stop telling people they need to surrender and let go, when their entire physiology has been forced into patterns of contraction and protection for really good reasons.

Let’s stop acting as if getting out of a survival state is a matter of willpower and choice, since we literally don’t have full neurological access to the power of our own rational mind and volition when we feel profoundly in danger.

Let’s stop doing that to others. Let’s stop doing that to ourselves.

These labels and accusations are rarely—if ever—actually helpful for someone struggling with the impact of profound stress or the effects of trauma. They more often plant even greater doubt, frustration, hopelessness and feelings of deep inadequacy and shame in the person who’s struggling.

What’s needed is safety. Compassion. Attunement. Connection. When our nervous systems have these things on board THEN softening happens. Progress happens. New possibilities appear. Not the other way around.
•
•

Repost from @the.trauma.educator • When our nerv

Repost from @the.trauma.educator
•
When our nervous system lives in constant activation, we often quickly ask: “What’s wrong with me?”

Instead, a better question to ask is:

“What’s happening in the environment I’m in?”

Because for people with complex trauma, the impulse is often quickly to internalize:

“I’m too sensitive.”
“I’m overreacting.”
“It must be me.”

But often, our nervous system is responding to something real.

Emotional neglect.
Lack of boundaries.
Over-functioning.
Unspoken tension.
Unsafe spaces or people

And once we start to see this, what usually shows up next… is fear.

Fear of what this realisation might mean.
Fear of what we’ll have to face if we realize certain relationships, roles, or environments aren’t good for us.
Fear of what we’ll lose if we stop abandoning ourselves.

Now, this work isn’t about randomly cutting people off.

It’s about learning to stay with the fear long enough to feel it, understand it, and move through it bit by bit.

Because when we do, we get clearer on what we want and need.

Boundaries become possible.

Honest repair feels available.

And parting ways when necessary doesn’t feel life-threatening.

Effie 🦋

Repost from @theeqschool • Yes, it’s important

Repost from @theeqschool
•
Yes, it’s important to communicate.
And, yes, we foster deeper intimacy when sharing our story or what’s going on for us emotionally in our relationships.

But that’s not what I’m talking about.

I’m talking about those of you, who, when you don’t feel comfortable with something find yourselves explaining your life story to random strangers so that they’ll empathize with you before you feel okay saying “no.”

But you do not need their approval.

You’re allowed to say no without explanation.

You’re allowed to say yes without explanation.

You don’t need other people’s approval to hold space for your own safety, joy, and well-being.

It’s a thing we do when we don’t trust ourselves; when we’ve historically been highly criticized and are worried we’re going to judged or that we’ll make the “wrong” decision.

And I’m so sorry you’ve had that experience.

But you DO know what’s right for you, and it doesn’t matter if someone else doesn’t approve of your decision if it really feels right to you.

And even in your closer relationships, it’s okay to sometimes just say, “I don’t feel comfortable with that” even if you don’t know why in the moment.

The other person doesn’t have to understand the entire story right then and there to respect your decision. Being in healthy relationships is allowing each person to have autonomy; for each person to have their own boundaries, and it’s very normal if they sometimes look different than yours.

We’re all different people with different lived experiences, differing moods, and preferences, so it makes sense that what makes us feel safe and resourced will sometimes feel different, too.

Work on allowing other people to say no without making them explain themselves; you don’t always have to understand why.

Work on allowing yourself to be the best judge of what it is that you need to feel safe, full, and energized.

#safe #trust #boundaries #relationships #fear #joy #hope

I wanted to share @boundariedbootcamp post - it re

I wanted to share @boundariedbootcamp post - it resonates so deeply… I’ve met so many who are pushed beyond limits, holding an open heart of hope for change. Of course we do, we love this person - other wise our hearts would have readily closed….

I too often hold tightly onto hope, almost forgetting the hurt people have so readily and repeatedly inflicted.

“Hurt people hurt people” I hear a part of me say. “But they promised” another part echoes….

Perhaps it takes time and self assurance to work up the courage to set those boundaries.

At the same time perhaps there are parts of you that need reminding that you are worth it. You are worth keeping safe from harm, you are truly worth setting a boundary for.

From Molly:
“When someone gets angry, entitled, or contemptuous, it’s easy for compassionate people to try to help them change.

Which isn’t always a bad thing.

Because people can change.

And there are countless stories with happy endings (where folks went through a tough patch together and came out better on the other side).

Only, there are limits.

It’s okay to try to help someone change as long as their behavior isn’t causing you harm.

But when you are close to someone who is behaving badly towards you, can’t see you, and isn’t interested in self-reflection?

Trying harder to help them while being harmed by them is not love, my friend.

Your hurt is not making them get any better.

It’s just adding more suffering to what is already bad enough.

That’s a boundary.

❤️
Molly
Therapist, boundaries coach, here to empower the compassionate people”

Your anger is a human instinct… A universal emot

Your anger is a human instinct… A universal emotion that shares a yet to be met need.

Repost from @the.trauma.educator
•
There are many reasons why someone might feel disconnected from their anger.

Here are three common ones linked to childhood:

If anger was punished or shamed, our nervous system learned that expressing it leads to rupture or rejection. So, the body learns to bury it to avoid losing attachment to people that matter to us.

If anger was modelled in explosive, dominating, or terrifying ways, our system associated it with harm, control, or danger. So, our body decided to reject it altogether to avoid becoming like the people who hurt us.

If conflict was avoided at all costs and hard conversations never happened in our family, our nervous system didn’t train its own muscle of anger. So, our capacity to feel, express or contain the anger wasn’t developed.

In all of these cases, the fight response was exiled. Not erased completely, just suppressed.

But with somatic engagement and psychoeducation, the nervous system can start to feel safe re-engaging its fight response and over time we can experience embodied anger.

Embodied anger is vital in relationships. It protects what matters. It allows us to recognize when something feels off, to name our limits, and to speak our truth without collapsing or exploding.

When anger is embodied, it doesn’t control us, but it guides us. It sharpens our clarity, strengthens our boundaries, and reconnects us with our sense of self-respect.

Embodied anger isn’t destructive. It’s discerning. It helps us stay rooted in our values, take action when something isn’t right, and protect our well-being without abandoning connection.

Effie 🦋

Tired or Fatigued? Repost from @feltsensewpg •

Tired or Fatigued?

Repost from @feltsensewpg
•
One of the biggest triggers for shutting down is: the inability to move when we wanted to move.

So avoiding all movement can’t be the answer.

A lot of people on this platform like to tell everyone to rest all the time to heal everything, but that’s *really* bad advice for those of us who are more than just tired.

I’ve heard from people who’ve been resting for over a decade and only feeling worse.

It’s because rest isn’t the main medicine for fatigue; excessive rest is like adding fuel to an already huge fire.

A system stuck in shutdown needs to be understood. And it needs to know it’s safe enough to move.

#tired #fatigue #exhausted #safe #sleep #rest #hope #trauma

Guilty… when all else fails, my over-intellectua

Guilty… when all else fails, my over-intellectualising part takes control… though generally speaking this leaves me more confused!

Repost from @theeqschool
•
There are many reasons why we do this, but they often boil down to not consistently having anyone who was grounded enough to allow you to safely feel what you needed to feel, when you needed to feel it, while helping you make sense of what was happening inside of you (without making their love conditional).

So many people learned that their feelings result in disconnection.

Others became responsible for their adult’s feelings and never had *space* to have their own.

Yet others witnessed feelings as completely chaotic & dangerous, so they learned to repress them.

But we all feel.

Our feelings are incredibly important - they help us interface with the world, letting us know about our needs and internal states of being. They’re the signals that help us stay in balance with ourselves and the world around us - when we learn how to listen to them.

Yet so many were taught to reject them!

If we didn’t learn how to be with, learn from, & move through big feelings, we found other ways to cope.

Over-intellectualization is an adaptation - an avoidance of feeling (and an attempt to control).

Intellectualizers believe that if we could just *understand,* then something would change, it would be fixed (& this yucky feeling would go away).

My belief is that understanding IS helpful - it can provide context that helps make it safer to allow ourselves to feel, but the understanding *alone* does not do the work of feeling what needs to be felt.
It can only take you so far.

It’s like reading about riding a bike without ever sitting in the saddle - it’s not possible to learn without actually embodying the practice.

We need both logic AND feeling. We need to be present to our feelings and to listen to their wisdom, and we need to use logic & understanding to make decisions about how we want to proceed.

Today I delight in our humanness… Repost from @

Today I delight in our humanness…

Repost from @lexyflorentina
•
It’s hard to feel safe in our body if being human feels like something to be ashamed of.

Because it’s in our human body that we experience impulse, emotion, sensation, biological processes, desire, needs, and so much more. And from this place we also make mistakes, have flaws, and imperfections. And this. Is. Human.

So what if honoring this humanness, celebrating it for one another and for ourselves creates a breeding ground for feeling safer? For feeling normal? For feeling like we make sense? Because we do.

So maybe a part of our journey is less about only asking “how do we feel safe in our body?” But also, “how are we honoring and embracing our humanness?” Because it’s our human experience that will ultimately lead us back to our body.

#embrace #your #humanity

Love this… Repost from @dueyfreeman • We rece

Love this…

Repost from @dueyfreeman
•
We recently have been asked about “Psychological Safety” as it pertains to work environments. Since psychology is about how we either inhibit or promote contact and contact is the essence of relationship, what we’re really talking about is relational safety.

To have relational safety, you have to know two things:

- What is a relationship or relational process?

- How do you learn how to be in a relationship?

There are two possible ways to look at this:

- Contact over time creates connection, connection over time creates relationship, and relationship over time creates intimacy.

- Consistency creates dependability, dependability creates trust, trust creates peace of mind, and peace of mind creates softness. (A continuum established by Mark Rashid)

When we speak about consistency, we’re speaking about consistently making contact, connection, relationship, and intimacy

And that’s the beginning of the next step around consistency creates dependability — can I depend on you to create contact, trust, peace of mind, and softness?

All of this ultimately is built on the underlying foundation of what we refer to as the I - Thou - We relationship.

When it is not safe to be in contact with an Other

When it is not safe to be in contact with an Other, perhaps my question could be “What am I protecting here?”

Repost from @dueyfreeman
•
When I refer to making contact, I don’t just mean physical contact.

Contact is where our emotional, physical, energetic, or spiritual boundaries touch.
 Think about sitting across the table from someone; you do not have to be physically touching them to be able to feel them.

In therapy, making contact with a client can sometimes be challenging.

A lot of the time what may happen is a therapist can say, “That client is resistant.”

When really, they aren’t allowing contact because of something that happened in their life that has made them feel the need to protect themselves.

So instead of wondering “why are they resistant,” I encourage therapists to ask, “What are they protecting?”

#protection #connection #separation #trauma #self #therapy

Repost from @h.e.l.e.n.m.a.r.i.e • I come back t

Repost from @h.e.l.e.n.m.a.r.i.e
•
I come back to this practice time and time again.

It can be a beautiful way to reconnect with yourself and helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system to bring a little ease - what I love about it is the deeper nourishing inhales I take every time I do this - instant cues of safety to my nervous system and a chance to bring my prefrontal cortex back online to help ease me out of whatever stress response I may be having.

Let me know if this gentle practice helps you too. Notice the sensations you feel in your body - powerful cues of information there always.

Sending love to anyone needing this gentle reminder today ❤️

Repost from @hollyhatamillustration • We’re al

Repost from @hollyhatamillustration
•
We’re all trying so hard to be better.
To keep up.
To stay ahead.
To do it all without falling apart.

But maybe what we need
isn’t more pressure…
It’s more remembering.

Remember to be aware of what really matters.
To accept what’s outside your control.
To stay authentic, even when it’s hard.
To move in alignment with what feels true.
To take alone time without guilt.
And to let yourself feel awe, even if just for a moment.

#hope #awe #awareness

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Chele Yntema is a Registered Clinical Counsellor and Trauma Specialist.

In the spirit of reconciliation I acknowledges the Traditional Custodians of Country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. I pay my respect to their Elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. I am committed to inclusion across race, culture, ethnicity, gender, sex, sexuality, religion, and ability. I recognise that people from diverse communities face systemic barriers and seek to challenge the current system and strive for change that makes mental health and wellbeing accessible to and inclusive for all.

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