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Knowing yourself
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of all wisdom.

Aristotle

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chele_yntema

I offer psychotherapy for Burnout, Breakdown, & Trauma. Connection, Compassion, & Clarity that moves you toward a life of joyous wonder & hope.

Repost from @getgrounded1 • Can we talk about th

Repost from @getgrounded1
•
Can we talk about the “if” in your apology?!

I’m sorry IF I hurt you.
I’m sorry IF that made you feel bad.
I’m sorry IF you took that the wrong way.

The IF is an insult.

It infers you don’t trust the person to recognize their own feelings and then to articulate them to you.

It infers you don’t trust that the person is really hurt....maybe they’re just making it up to cause an argument.

It infers you don’t have the emotional regulation tools to handle the way it makes YOU feel when you hurt someone.

Try “I’m sorry I hurt you.”
Try “I’m sorry I made you feel bad.”
Try “ I’m sorry my words made you feel that way.”

Does this mean we meant to do something wrong?
Does this mean we are accepting responsibility for the whole conflict?
Does this mean the other person did nothing wrong?

Nope, nope and nope.

It means there may be a misunderstanding. It means whatever you said (even if it was right on) made the other person feel some type of way and what does it take from us to apologize and take accountability for our words.? We may still feel just as strongly about our side of the conflict and we may still feel just as strongly that we didn’t intend to hurt them with our words or actions…and yet we still did.

It’s okay to accept that sometimes we hurt others. We are human.

Saying you’re sorry in a way that recognizes that and validates the other persons feelings is healthy. This doesn’t mean we hold their feelings for them and it doesn’t mean it is our job to regulate their emotions for them. It also doesn’t mean that what we said is inaccurate or wrong.

It simply means.....I am sorry you are feeling that way and that I had a part in it.

Then....go take care of your nervous system. Being accountable can be dysregulating if we haven’t had it modeled for us. It can be very uncomfortable if we have a story about it in our heads.

Go for a walk, meditate, self soothe, do some breath work.

You got this....and great apology!

Raise that chin and shoulders back....you rock!

#apology #if #foodforthought #accountability #hope #courage #human #youareenough #sorry #emotion #relationships

Indeed… Repost from @neurowild_ • It’s so h

Indeed…

Repost from @neurowild_
•
It’s so hard to self advocate when you’ve spent your whole life prioritising the needs and emotions of everyone else.

Being an adult without these skills makes us so vulnerable.

And. We already were.

Coming up with this list was far too easy for me.

God. I have so much work to do.

I know so many of you will relate.

Much love.
It’s hard.

Em

#adulting #alone #vulnerability #fear #doubt #unknown #neurodivergent #need #self #strength #hope

I found this facinatingly interesting… Repost f

I found this facinatingly interesting…

Repost from @boundariedbootcamp
•
Fear masks itself as logic. Which means when we first begin to step into a path of personal growth, our frightened mind can go into an overthinking overdrive.

Suddenly, a whole lot of seemingly-rational thoughts often arise, detailing aaaaall the reasons why we should avoid changing anything.

Or put change off for later.

Or DIY it (and thereby ensure that we’ll stay the same).

Because staying the same feels safer to the survival brain than heading out into who-the-hell-knows-what. 😵‍💫

And, no surprise, when we listen to all the “logical” reasons the survival brain gives us for why change isn’t possible for us, things…stay the same. 💔

Anyone relate?

Here’s an inner boundary that can really help:

When you’re trying to change something but you don’t know how to change it, don’t try to DIY it if you don’t have to.

This is NOT the time to lean on perfectionism or over-responsibility-taking, thinking you’re somehow supposed to be able to do this alone.

That’s just fear talking.

Reaching out for help isn’t silly, wrong or bad.

To the contrary. It’s brilliant, wise and good. 🥹

Because it’s perfectly normal for our cute little human brains to be unable to see past their limited perceptions. 🧠

(Our limited perceptions can’t DIY what they don’t know how to do, even if they mean well and wish they could).

So stop beating yourself up for being a human.

There’s nothing wrong with you for not knowing how to do this.

How can you know how to do what you’ve never done?

But good news. There is a way to move beyond the fear and to step into your beautiful new boundaries.

You can do it.

Because we can do it together. 🕯️

❤️
Molly

#fear #doubt #unknown #boundaries #hope #beyond #responsibility #toomuch #trauma #logic #thinking #scared

Perfect encapsulation of being truly seen… Repo

Perfect encapsulation of being truly seen…

Repost from @beckyhemsleypoetry
•

#youmatter #mask #masker #hide #self #hope #see #listen #truth #care

So many times I find parts of me completely lost i

So many times I find parts of me completely lost in my mind…

Repost from @ourembodiedhealing
•
For everyone who overthinks and overanalyzes…

For everyone who can’t get their brain to slow down when it’s time to rest…

For everyone who tries to think their way out of stuckness and sadness and so much more…

Being in our thoughts and living life from our head has protected us so much, so many times, some of us for so long. When faced with any experience that overwhelms our ability to stay present in our body, disconnecting from our feeling sense and retreating to our mind is an *incredibly* dependable way to survive the hardest moments. And when we’ve spent a large part of our life having many, many hard moments, one after another, getting stuck in our head can be the safest place to be.

Getting stuck in our thoughts and not being able to get out of our head isn’t dysfunctional, it’s protective. It may have us spinning in circles, but it’s saved us. Sometimes it even feels like a real refuge, to retreat to our intellect…

And yet at some point as we heal from trauma, we inevitably become aware of the limitations of living a life from the neck up, and so we start the journey to descend. We begin to return to the feeling sense in our whole body, bit by bit. We see how our mind and brain has given us a safe haven to fix and figure and even hide out when there was nowhere else to go. We learn slowly that it might be ok to join our heads and our bodies back together again, so that we might live more fully.

And on days we notice we’re really stuck in our heads, we might hold our sweet brain gently between our hands, appreciate how it’s kept us safe, and see if it’s open to beginning to feel a little further down 💓

#overthinking #brain #body #mind #trauma #stuck #pain #sadness #hope #overwhelmed #therapy

Burnout isn’t just for professionals…. Burno

Burnout isn’t just for professionals….

Burnout can occur as a parent or carer, as a result of allistic expectations that dismisses neurodivergent needs, or as a result of ongoing relational stressors without resolve.

If your feeling as though you are burning out- your light, warmth, and hope slowly fading…. Now is the time to find connection and compassion.

Connect and together we shall seek to find clarity amidst this inner world of chaos.

Link in Bio
#burnout #exhausted #trauma #fatigue #chronicillness #therapy #counselling #hope #light #wornout #compassion #connection #chaos

Repost from @theinnerstage • You are sturdier th

Repost from @theinnerstage
•
You are sturdier than you think🌳❤️

Next time you’re feeling #overwhelmed give this a try and notice how it our body responds 🌱

#IFS #Anxiety #Therapy #MentalHealth #hope #grounding #compassion #care #trauma

Repost from @the.trauma.educator • When we exper

Repost from @the.trauma.educator
•
When we experience trauma, it has an impact on our body, mind and psyche.

But what’s often missed is how and where we ‘land’ after the trauma which can often become its own separate trauma. What happens and what we experience after is as critical.

For instance, bullying at school, sexual abuse, or the loss of a loved one to suicide can be significant traumatic experiences. Yet, a question that needs to be explored is: what followed the trauma?

Did we receive compassion or were we judged? Was there connection or more disconnection? Did we feel cared for or were we neglected? Did we feel safe enough to talk about and integrate our experience or were we silenced?

Our body has an innate capacity to recover from trauma. But there’s a caveat.

We’re a co-regulated species. Meaning that our nervous systems are interconnected, and our body’s resilience is influenced by the nervous systems of those around us.

As a result, the absence of resources such as emotional attunement, protection, validation, reparation and reassurance can leave our nervous system on high alert, making it much harder to recover as it continues defending itself.

You see, our nervous system can’t heal and defend at the same time.

It either defends itself and pauses the recovery process, or it gradually stops defending and starts healing.

I wish our society understood that trauma healing isn’t just about the individual—it’s about the collective.

We heal in safe, co-regulated spaces where our pain is witnessed and our nervous systems are met with calm, supportive energy.

When we understand this, we stop seeing trauma as solely an isolated event and begin addressing the relational and communal dynamics that very much influence recovery.

Effie 🦋

Repost from @ifstherapy_annavincentz • Trauma is

Repost from @ifstherapy_annavincentz
•
Trauma is not only about the bad things that happened, but also about the good things that didn’t happen.

We’re born into this world with deep knowledge and expectations of what needs to happen for our survival and growth.

When we are not met with what needs to happen, hurt happens instead.

When your hurt has no narrative, when your symptoms and reactions don’t make sense to you, when your childhood looked just fine from the outside, it’s so easy to blame yourself. “What’s wrong with me?”

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you.

Your wounds may be invisible even to yourself at this point, but that does not mean they are not here and it does not mean that you cannot connect with them and heal the pain.

Knowing that, you can begin your journey back to you.

#therapy #attachment #journey #hope #trauma #neglect #childhood #hurt #harm #pain #counselling #invisible

Repost from @robyn.gobbel • It can be traumatic

Repost from @robyn.gobbel
•
It can be traumatic to parent a child who has needs that no one can meet.

We have a lot of work to do to get families the help they need, and recognizing the trauma that it’s causing when they DON’T have what they need is an important step.

You aren’t imagining the trauma and toxic stress of parenting.

#parenting #cptsd #ptsd #violence #trauma #hope #help #stress #overwhelmed #child #children #therapy

Cultivating more both/and energy can help us to fi

Cultivating more both/and energy can help us to find clarity and balance in confusion and chaos.

Remember you are not alone in this and that in an either/or world cultivating both/and can be a huge undertaking- especially in aloneness.

You don’t have to be alone in this….

#alone #and #both #suffering #pain #hope #chaos #confused #therapy #counselling

OP from @therapist_in_nyc

I wanted to share an article I put together about

I wanted to share an article I put together about negotiating needs in relationship…

The interesting question “who’s needs are more important” arose in one of my sessions this week and had me thinking back to the time when it came to be that I believed my core needs were unreasonable, this leading to Self abondonment and a fear and heartache like none other….

“What are our Core Needs? What are not Core Needs?

For those who grew up in less-than-ideal environments, particularly those who have experienced levels of relational or ambiguous trauma, knowing our core needs and even purely the concept of “needs” can be challenging.

Indeed, when the fulfilment of core needs is reliant on the ability of a primary caregiver and that caregiver does not (or cannot) nourish those essential needs, as humans we may begin to learn that our Self needs are not as valuable as an Other’s needs, that – in order to survive – the Other’s needs take priority over and above Self.

We may have learned that our core needs are unreasonable, or we may have even learned that to assert any of our needs creates a threat...

Quite often when such is the case, we innately embody a suppression of Self and instinctually meet the Other’s needs first, possibly not even knowing what our own needs are. This naturally creating the blurred and diffuse interpersonal line between Self and Other that creates friction and dissonance in relationship.

So how do we begin to become aware of and address this implicit movement toward putting the Other before the Self?

Whilst there is something to be said about working with a therapist to address some of the underlying fears that often stir doubt and confusion, as abovementioned there is an essence of groundedness within knowing with clarity what our core needs actually are.

So, what are our core needs?”

Read the article for more - https://cheleyntema.com/boundaries-and-needs/

#needs #humanneeds #hope #relationship #boundaries #fear #doubt #attachment #abandonment #conflict

I wanted to share an article I put together about

I wanted to share an article I put together about negotiating needs in relationship…

The interesting question “who’s needs are more important” arose in one of my sessions this week and had me thinking back to the time when it came to be that I believed my core needs were unreasonable, this leading to Self abondonment and a fear and heartache like none other….

“What are our Core Needs? What are not Core Needs?

For those who grew up in less-than-ideal environments, particularly those who have experienced levels of relational or ambiguous trauma, knowing our core needs and even purely the concept of “needs” can be challenging.

Indeed, when the fulfilment of core needs is reliant on the ability of a primary caregiver and that caregiver does not (or cannot) nourish those essential needs, as humans we may begin to learn that our Self needs are not as valuable as an Other’s needs, that – in order to survive – the Other’s needs take priority over and above Self.

We may have learned that our core needs are unreasonable, or we may have even learned that to assert any of our needs creates a threat...

Quite often when such is the case, we innately embody a suppression of Self and instinctually meet the Other’s needs first, possibly not even knowing what our own needs are. This naturally creating the blurred and diffuse interpersonal line between Self and Other that creates friction and dissonance in relationship.

So how do we begin to become aware of and address this implicit movement toward putting the Other before the Self?

Whilst there is something to be said about working with a therapist to address some of the underlying fears that often stir doubt and confusion, as abovementioned there is an essence of groundedness within knowing with clarity what our core needs actually are.

So, what are our core needs?”

Read the article for more - https://cheleyntema.com/boundaries-and-needs/

Repost from @robyn.gobbel • Don’t underestimat

Repost from @robyn.gobbel
•
Don’t underestimate the power of just pausing and telling your child in a very honest way, “I have no idea what this is like for you. And I have no idea what this must feel like. But I refuse to abandon you in this experience. And I refuse to abandon you in this discomfort.”

Amy Wilkerson and I were talking about adoption in this conversation, but this is brilliant advice for any conversation you’re having with your child.

Just be honest. And present. Be with your child in their experience.

Whenever I’m struggling with what to say I try to pause and ask myself what’s the most honest thing I could say. Sometimes the answer is “I have no idea what to say. This is hard. I’m here.”

#therapy #children #mom #singlemomlife #mum #hope #compassion #honest #child #parenting #neurodiversity #neurodivergent

Repost from @awakenwithally • Q: “ How do I st

Repost from @awakenwithally
•
Q: “ How do I stop racing thoughts that paralyze me with procrastination and bad habits?”

A: Don’t try to stop your racing thoughts. You’ll need up exhausting your energy and pressuring your nervous system even more.

The patterns and tendencies of your thoughts are a reflection of a certain state.

Racing thoughts, ruminating thoughts, conflicting thoughts, worrying, scary and compulsive thoughts reflect states of freeze, disconnect and dysregulation.

The less in our bodies we are, the more in our heads we will be. When our system cannot find safety through the body, which is the foundation of safety, it tries to find safety through the mind. And how can the mind find safety? Through control. Control shows up through various patterns like rumination, procrastination, comparison, and perfectionism. In time, this pressures the nervous system and creates conditions for dysregulation.

Dysregulation of the nervous system makes the mind even more compulsive and unsafe, hence more protective, distracted and active. This survival cycle has momentum. Our system has done this unconscious pattern for many years.

The key is not to force changing the thoughts but to change the state, which means restoring safety at the level of the body. And how do we do this? By restoring and reconnecting with needs, instincts, boundaries, truth and organic regulation.

When the foundation of safety is restored, the thoughts will also change- the quality of your mental activity will change. The system will not use the mental energy to survive and protect. The mind will be less scattered and frightened.

Love,
Ally.

#connection #hope #trauma #fear #safety #shame

From Matthew Knott @living_our_very_essence Proc

From Matthew Knott @living_our_very_essence

Procrastination is not the absence of will—it’s the presence of pain, a quiet signal of a battle fought in silence. It’s not laziness; it’s the weight of an invisible storm pressing on the soul, a resistance born not from boredom but from unspoken wounds.

We procrastinate not because we don’t care but because we care so deeply that it immobilizes us. Each delayed task whispers a fear of failure, perfectionism masked as avoidance, or the simple exhaustion of a spirit too weary to carry the load. Procrastination is the heart’s way of pausing, asking, “Are you sure we’re ready for this?.”

But here’s the breathtaking truth: it transforms once you meet it with understanding instead of judgment. Like a river unblocked, the energy that procrastination held captive begins to flow. It reveals that the time you thought you were wasting was time spent holding space for your own healing.

And then, almost like magic, it dissolves—not through force, but through love. You awaken to the realization that time was never your enemy. You forget how to waste it because every moment, even the quiet ones, becomes sacred.

Procrastination isn’t a flaw. It’s a map leading you back to the places within yourself that ache for your kindness, courage, and light. Listen to it. Heal through it. And when you emerge on the other side, you’ll find a version of yourself you never knew you were becoming—a self unburdened, unstoppable, free.

- Katie Kamara

#procrastination #flaw #perfect #perfectionist #hope #trauma #therapy #quotes #fear #doubt #silence #pain #care

So valuable… I know this has played a huge role

So valuable… I know this has played a huge role in the things I process with my therapist. As a mum, sometimes the hardest thing to admit is that I am reacting to something developmentally appropriate with far more energy than it potentially calls for. It been so important to realise that sometimes I need someone who can help me make sense of my experiences as a single mum….

Repost from @bethtyson_traumaconsulting
•
Tips for breaking the cycle of intergenerational trauma. Trauma can be passed down from us to our children when we become triggered and don’t know how to regulate or control our emotional responses.

This is a common occurrence, but there are things you can do. Being aware is the first step!

.
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#parenting #motherhood #daughter #singlemomlife #mom #mother #trauma #selfawareness #hope #therapy #intergenerational #generations #reaction #awareness #mentalhealth

Repost from @theeqschool • One of the most amazi

Repost from @theeqschool
•
One of the most amazing things about human beings is how adaptable we are; as much as we may struggle with discomfort and change, our brains and bodies will do what they need to do to adapt and survive, especially when we’re developing as tiny people.

And everything we do as adults, we do for a reason.

As tiny people, we learned which sides of ourselves & which of our behaviors kept us safe and connected, and which behaviors produced contempt, disconnection, fear, boredom, anger, etc in our caregivers and families.

Our bodies remember, even if our conscious minds don’t.

And our patterns of behavior give us SO much information when we’re able to pause and zoom out a little.

It can be so helpful to look at your most frustrating habits and behaviors, the ones that you’d like to change, and see what they are doing for you.

Does your shame stop you from sharing your hurt feelings or sadness because you didn’t receive comfort when you needed it?

Does your instinct to bolt at the first sign of conflict keep you from being rejected or from that familiar feeling of disappointing someone?

Does your hot temper stop you from giving people the chance to hurt you again?

Instead of further shaming ourselves for these protective parts, try to acknowledge the job they were trying to do; they exist for a reason.

Then get curious about the tender part that lives beneath the behavior.

What does that tender part need to feel?
What support does it need from you now?

This is how we change patterns. This is how we begin to come back to ourselves and begin to feel safer in the world and in our own bodies, by reconnecting with the parts of ourselves that were hidden away and still have unmet needs and learning how to meet them.

Depth is my love language 😉 Repost from @ailey

Depth is my love language 😉

Repost from @aileyjolie
•
The body holds what the mind cannot yet face. Submerged truths live in the tightness of a jaw, the heaviness of a chest, or the numbness of a clenched fist. These sensations are not random; they are the body speaking.

Depth psychology teaches us that what we repress does not vanish—it waits. The body remembers because it was there when the mind stepped back to protect you. This is where survival lived. And it’s also where healing begins.

To feel is to risk discomfort. To turn toward the body is to unearth what has been hidden—not to conquer it, but to witness it with compassion. This is not about release; it is about integration. The wisdom held in the body is not meant to be cast away—it is meant to be honored.

Pause for a moment. Place your hand on your heart or wherever you feel your body asking for attention. Breathe deeply. Ask yourself: What truths might my body be holding for me today

#depth #therapy #truth #compassion #hope #trauma

🐌🐌🐌 Repost from @theeqschool • In a wo

🐌🐌🐌

Repost from @theeqschool
•
In a world filled with easy dopamine hits and instant gratification culture, we’re used to moving quickly.

But many of the most important aspects of life and humanity — growth, love, connection, healing, and self-knowledge, to name a few – can not and do not happen quickly.

It takes time to first identify old patterns,
then to be present to their impact,
then to begin to insert different ways of responding, then to sit with the discomfort of change, then to continue to learn and grow and adapt and deepen.

It takes time to really get to know someone.
To share and open yourself to them. To have experiences together that teach us about ourselves and the other and deepen our connection. To bear witness to each other’s struggles. To foster safety, intimacy, and deep familiarity as we learn how to show up for each other.

It takes time to develop a skill.

To practice the basics, to make mistakes, to try it in new contexts, with new materials, to start to see more and more nuances as you change variables and increase your own familiarity with the process.

It takes time to heal, when our bodies are so used to bracing, resisting, shutting down, or acting out.

It takes time to soften into the present moment and trust ourselves, and then others.

And these things should take time. None of it can happen without the time it takes being present, being with what is here now and witnessing the impact.

Allow yourself to slow down. Allow your body to process change. Allow things to unfold instead of forcing them into being.
Time takes time.

#slowdown #slow #time #takeyourtime #trauma #hope #care #selfcare #change

Repost from @lexyflorentina • Leaning into conne

Repost from @lexyflorentina
•
Leaning into connection doesn’t just involve romantic connection. It’s in the way we interact with animals, the way we allow nature to take us in when we’re feeling lost, it’s in the way we let the sun land gently on our skin, and the way we allow ourselves to receive a smile from a kind person when it comes our way.

It’s in the way we are moved by a song, or feel emotional from a movie, or our eyes light up when we see a beautiful sunset. It’s in the way we choose to reconnect with ourselves again, our body and our youngest selves within.

Disconnection may have helped us survive but Connection is what’s brings us back to aliveness. So when we start dipping back into curiosity around connecting again - whether it’s with humans, animals, nature, our breath, our voice, our body - it’s a beautiful gift 🤍

“A profound gift” - there is a part of me that

“A profound gift” - there is a part of me that loves hearing that; especially growing up in a world that told me to “stop being so sensitive”…

Repost from @awakenwithally
•
If we are sensitive, if we are givers or if we are skilled problem solvers —these are not flaws to fix, traits to overcome or something to heal from. These are integral parts of who we are, waiting to be reclaimed, honored, and nurtured.

When these traits are “coupled” with fear, they serve survival. But when coupled with safety, they become powerful, life-affirming resources.

Sensitivity, when coupled with fear, becomes a tool of survival. But sensitivity itself is not the problem; it’s the survival mode that hijacks it. To reclaim who we are, we must learn to pair our natural traits with a sense of recognition and safety.

Here’s how:

1. Recognize your sensitivity as a core part of who you are. Begin by acknowledging this truth and seeing your sensitivity as something to honor, not suppress.

2. Support your nervous system to regulate sensitivity (feel safe with). Your nervous system might perceive your sensitivity as a threat because it might have never been supported to regulate your sensitivity. Without this foundation, sensitivity can feel overwhelming or chaotic and trigger various protections.

3. Stop shaming your sensitivity. Many sensitive souls carry layers of conditioning that taught them their sensitivity was “too much” or “not enough.” Healing involves unraveling these beliefs and learning to see your sensitivity as a strength.

4. Put your sensitivity to “work for your healing. Sensitivity is not just something to manage; it’s a tool to deepen your healing. Make a habit of noticing what’s shifting for the better in your system or to notice what is beautiful or what feels pleasant. If you can feel deeply, then also feel deeply what’s good.

Imagine your sensitivity working for you rather than against you. The guide audio practices inside The Self-Attunement Audio Toolkit are here to support your system you shift out of this survival state, so your sensitivity can become the healing force it was always meant to be.

By Ally
#sensitive #hope #trauma #attunement

Alone and exposed. Exposed and alone. My very bei

Alone and exposed. Exposed and alone.

My very being unwanted as she was. Instead, misunderstood and abashed. Denigrated. Disparaged with blame… There was but a shadow of who I once knew.

Alone and exposed. Exposed and alone.

Hollowed, emptied of all that was left of me. There was nothing there for me, not then, not now, not ever.

They had taken my vulnerability and torn it to shreds, leaving me barren of protection. Stripped of my dignity.

Alone and exposed. Exposed and alone.

She wept. I wept…

Sometimes I still weep.

———————————

I think that it is safe to say that anyone who has experienced it truly knows that shame is an intensely distressing affective state. It is a state wherein we autonomically – physically, psychologically, relationally – shrink. And while for some this state is temporary, a conscious momentary affect wherein one can expand back to a sense of Self with worth, for others shame is an embodied anguish of Self defeat and alarmed aloneness.

That is, there is a form of embodied shame that permeates into our very being, a lingering sense of Self as insufficient or worthless. Perhaps even such is the emergent sense that one is fundamentally faulty.

This deeply felt sense of shame is not the evolutionarily defined shame that is intended to promote protection from harm… No, this shame we speak to henceforth is the shame that emerges from continued relational rupture (rejection or abandonment) without reparation (responsibility or accountability).

Indeed, this is an embodied emergence of fragmenting shame. A shame that transpires from a misuse (either conscious/intended or non-conscious/unintended) of relational power and hierarchy. This is a shame that is recursively disorientating, disorganising, and disintegrating: a shame that leaves one struggling to grasp a grounded sense of Self.

Continue Reading - link in bio

#shame #trauma #fragment #attachment #hope #rejection #abandonment_issues #mentalhealth #vulnerability #relationships #power #protection #connection

Burnout - remember your core emotional needs are a

Burnout - remember your core emotional needs are as vital as others core needs…

Repost from @the.holistic.psychologist
•
There is a misconception that burnout comes from working too hard. And it can. Of course. People are working harder than ever. But there’s more to the story.

What triggers burn out is a lack of our emotional needs being met. If we feel lonely, isolated, in conflict with the people we love, or completely invalidated— our body responds.

We desperately need other people. We need belonging. We need to know we matter and that we can ask for help. We need to know maybe most importantly that our inner thoughts, emotions, pain, and desires have meaning. And we only know they have meaning when someone mirrors then back to us. When someone attunes to us.

These are our emotional needs.

This is why people might say I sleep 11 hours. Or I’m not even working right now but I’m exhausted why?! It’s also why people who are depressed and can’t get out of bed feel completely depleted and like they never got rest.

If you feel burnt out, think about your relationships:
— do you feel actually heard?
— can you trust people closest to you?
— do they check in and are they consistent?
— are they pouring into you like you do to them?
— can you speak without being judged?
— can you ask someone to just listen?
— do you know where you stand?

#burnout #trauma #breakdown #hope #depleted #emotion #need #relationships #connection

Dearest friend ♥️🩵💛 You are enough 🫶🏻

Repost from @handsfreerevolution
•
“I know I’m not where I should be,” my friend said to me after receiving a judgmental comment from an extended family member.

Wait. Hold up a minute. Let me remind you of everything you ARE, I said to her and to anyone else who might need to hear this.

Besides ALL that you ARE, let me remind you that you are carrying some really heavy things right now, I added.

And then I said this: You know what you need to lose right now? The GUILT. Instead of guilting yourself, give yourself GRACE.

I repeated it three times, to which my friend said, “THAT’S IT! That is exactly what I need right now: Grace.”

So while we’re on the topic… what else might we be unreasonably expecting of ourselves this time of year?

Here’s a few…

* While you’re grieving, don’t expect yourself to celebrate the way you did in the past.

* While you’re navigating the darkness, don’t expect yourself to appear shiny and bright.

* While you’re struggling to make ends meet, don’t expect yourself to contribute in ways that deepen the hole.

* While adjusting to a new normal, don’t expect yourself to automatically know the ropes.

* While recovering, don’t expect yourself to perform at 100%.

What might be REASONABLE expectations of oneself this December?

♥️SAFETY - making choices that keep yourself and your people safe and healthy

🩵OXYGEN - making it a priority to pause and breathe life into what matters to you

💛GRACE - accepting yourself right where you are by offering self-compassion in abundance.

By focusing on safety, oxygen, and grace in the weeks ahead, you will be giving yourself and your family the greatest gift: YOU

Not the barely breathing, boxes-checked version of you—the wholly human version whose eyes shine with love because you are here despite the hard year you endured.

Friend, what you carry is already heavy enough.

What you ARE is already worthy.
Set down the unreasonable expectations.
Breathe in love and exhale grace.

You are here, and you are enough.

#grace #hope #love #enough #trauma #good #here #breathe #weight #safety #oxygen

Repost from @the.trauma.educator • Healing is no

Repost from @the.trauma.educator
•
Healing is not about erasing the trauma, but rather transforming how we carry it.

In this process, we learn to safely reconnect with the sensations and emotions we’ve been suppressing. We break the cycle of avoidance and fear, and we invite these parts of ourselves to become integrated through mindful attention, sensing and exploration.

We start with tiny doses of activation, gradually returning to calm and safety. We give space to the body to complete its natural survival responses that were interrupted during trauma, and we integrate the fragmented pieces of our experience into a cohesive whole.

This process isn’t always easy, but it’s a journey that leads to more inner freedom and strength. It’s about changing the way trauma lives in us, so that it no longer controls us, but becomes something we can hold with compassion and embodied resilience.

Healing doesn’t make the past disappear, but it helps us transform how the past lives within us, so we can move forward in wholeness and empowerment.

Effie 🦋
#trauma #empowerment #therapy #hope #process #somatic #exporation #reconnection

This sits truly well with the parts of me that lik

This sits truly well with the parts of me that like to take things slowly…

Repost from @sarahbcoaching
•
Wanting to take steps toward a bigger life?

In order to do that, we must work at the rate of our most apprehensive part.

Within each of us are many different parts. We have our adult selves, younger parts, protective parts and more.

Part of healing means getting to know the parts of us that feel scared of the life we’re desiring. Usually, it’s a part of us that once experienced something in the past where it wasn’t safe for them to be seen, known, exposed, make mistakes, use their voice, etc.

As we try to step toward the life we want, that part goes, “Oh, that’s really scary,” and then a protective part comes in and stops us in the form of dysregulation.

That can look like:

➡️ Self-sabotage
➡️ Freeze
➡️ Overwhelm
➡️ Shut down
➡️ Panic

And so many other experiences, too.

Once we’ve identified this scared part, we need to build our toleration to be a competent protector.

This means we are both:

1️⃣ Soft and nurturing (listening to them)
2️⃣ And ferociously protective (we can come to their aid to protect)

To really embody this, we want to somatically feel into our body for our healthy aggression or lifeforce energy. We can do that by imagining defending someone who is helpless or the anger we might feel about an injustice in the world.

Let your body feel powerful!

Then, from that powerful place, we take a tolerable step, which is how we also show the young parts of us that we’re here to protect them

With kindness and belief in you,
Sarah

#slow #slowdown #apprehension #appreciation #hope #fear #doubt #self #panic #shutdown #fight #flight #protectivestyles

What if it’s not about releasing, rather it’s

What if it’s not about releasing, rather it’s about completing…

Repost from @lexyflorentina
•
Trauma doesn’t always simply “release” but rather finds completion, finds discharge, or gets transmuted into energy that we didn’t get to access when we were trying to survive.

Sometimes, emotional releases are a part of our process. But I often see this being something marketed as the end all be all. “Release the emotion in your body and you are healed”

But it’s not exactly this black and white.

Anytime we are overwhelmed beyond our ability to cope, anytime something happens too fast, too soon or is too much on our system - something gets interrupted, something doesn’t get to happen.

And in the renegotiation and resolution of trauma, it’s crucial that we allow the body time and space to explore what that might have been for us.

If there were no consequences: what would we have wanted to say?

If we knew we wouldn’t get hurt: what might we have wanted to do?

When this anger arises, what’s the physical act that your body wants to do?

If we could have chose what happened after: what would we have needed to experience?

There is so much more to the story than just emotion.

Physiology works in such a way that our body acts in service of our survival. And when we are faced with overwhelm, we will do what is ACCESSIBLE and safest to survive. But that doesn’t mean that something else didnt want to take place too.

This can often be a missing piece for us.

When we feel like we’ve felt the emotion of it so strongly but still feel this cycle of stuckness inside - it may be because something else is being called for.

When something feels incomplete, it likely is 🌀

#trauma #hope #release #complete #emotion #need #toomuch #overwhelmed #stuck #body #mind

Repost from @pasadena_trauma_therapy • Understan

Repost from @pasadena_trauma_therapy
•
Understanding How Our Parts Show Up in the Body

In trauma therapy, especially when working with frameworks like Internal Family Systems (IFS) or parts work, we often talk about the inner world of “parts”—those aspects of ourselves that hold different emotions, beliefs, and experiences. But did you know these parts can also manifest somatically, in your body?

Our bodies are incredible storytellers. When a protective part feels overwhelmed, you might notice tightness in your chest, a racing heart, or clenched fists. If an exiled part—one holding deep pain—gets activated, you might experience heaviness, a lump in your throat, or a sinking feeling in your stomach. Even our calm, Self-led state has a distinct somatic signature: ease, openness, and a sense of grounded presence.

By tuning into these sensations, we create a bridge between body awareness and parts work. When we approach a somatic experience with curiosity, we might discover a protective part trying to shield us from hurt or an exiled part longing to be seen. This is where healing begins: honoring the body as a container for our parts and a gateway to connection with Self.

Next time you notice a bodily sensation, take a moment. Ask yourself: “Which part of me is showing up right now? What is it trying to tell me?” With time and practice, this gentle inquiry can deepen your connection to your inner world and foster a sense of wholeness.

How do you notice your parts showing up in your body?

#ifs #somatic #curiosity #body #coping #open #connection #emotion #grounded

There comes a time… Repost from @lexyflorentina

There comes a time…

Repost from @lexyflorentina
•
There comes a time when we begin to wake up as if we’ve been asleep for a very long time. We begin to see patterns in our family dynamics that we can’t unsee. We begin to feel emotions that we can’t unfeel and cannot suppress again. We begin to witness relational dynamics that we can no longer be a part of. We begin to realize the patterns that were passed down to us and how they are being played out in our life.

We begin to face truths about what we want and who we are that we’ve kept hidden to help us cope with the life we were living, but they are now demanding our attention. We begin to hear what our pain is really telling us. We begin to feel our body say no. We begin to see our parent’s wounding. We begin to hear our inner child ask for our help.

We begin to crave something else other than what we learned was just “the way it is”. And everything feels like it’s changing.

On the other side of this, we begin to regain choice, we begin to reconnect to our agency, we begin to reinhabit our body, we begin to self express, we begin to ask for what we need, we begin to set boundaries, we begin to cultivate meaningful relationships, we begin to build the life we actually want.

Slowly, gently, and one step at a time. No matter where you are in this journey, know that every step is taking you into the right direction for you, for this moment, for this season.

#slowly #gently #boundaries #seeing #trauma #truth #family #relationship #enough #patterns #emotions #dynamics

Repost from @mindfulmft —⁠ This is a quote fr

Repost from @mindfulmft

—⁠
This is a quote from my book, The Origins of You. We find endless ways to create safety/protection/connection in our lives when our wounds are in the driver seat. ⁠
⁠
In fact, we must. The problem is we’re not actually achieving the result that we want. When we’re prioritizing protection we can’t authentically connect. When we have to prioritize safety, we can’t properly be seen. There’s reason for this, of course, but our work is to do the healing that’s necessary so that we can put down our strategies and create space to be seen. To be connected to. To be revealed. To have true authentic connection with the relationships in our lives that are most important to us.

#connection #protection #hope #authenticity #seen #heard #understood #valued #trauma #safety

Repost from @youimprovedcounselling • There are

Repost from @youimprovedcounselling
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There are no “bad” feelings. Complications come from having an unhealthy, un-intelligent, immature relationship with them.

We learn about our emotions and feelings from those around us that are most influential to our life and survival. If we are surrounded by people who avoid emotions, who shame emotions, who become extremely activated and dysregulated by emotions, then how can we ever befriend them?

We will follow the template we’ve been conditioned to follow. Our emotions and feelings are our best friends. They are simply messages of safety, threat, comfort, concern, and so on. They motivate us to take action in our boundaries and to communicate our needs to the environment.

Simply put, they provide feedback that we need to pay attention to about the conditions we are surrounded by so that we govern ourselves effectively.

If this feels like an overwhelming burden to over come, start where you are in whatever small step you can take. Practice observing your felt sensations and tolerating, just a bit, how you feel as you pay attention to them.

Practice being curious with yourself, as this implies safety regardless of the felt sense. Use a feeling wheel to expand on the words you use to describe how you interpret what the felt sense means to you as well as the impulses that naturally connect with it.

Do what you can to befriend these sensations as you build tolerance, confidence, courage and of course the needed skill of no longer feeling afraid and uncomfortable with yourself. Your emotions and feelings won’t hurt you. Your mismanagement of them will. ❤️🙏🏼

#emotions #message #affect #mind #body #connection #hope

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Chele Yntema is a Registered Clinical Counsellor and Trauma Specialist.

In the spirit of reconciliation I acknowledges the Traditional Custodians of Country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. I pay my respect to their Elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. I am committed to inclusion across race, culture, ethnicity, gender, sex, sexuality, religion, and ability. I recognise that people from diverse communities face systemic barriers and seek to challenge the current system and strive for change that makes mental health and wellbeing accessible to and inclusive for all.

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