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Knowing yourself
is the beginning
of all wisdom.

Aristotle

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chele_yntema

I offer psychotherapy for Burnout, Breakdown, & Trauma. Connection, Compassion, & Clarity that moves you toward a life of joyous wonder & hope.

Wisdom from @theeqschool • I’m referring here

Wisdom from @theeqschool
•
I’m referring here to the ongoing narratives that we tell ourselves about who we are and why life is the way that it is.

If the story you tell yourself about who you are causes you deep pain - it’s not true.

If the story you tell yourself about why something isn’t happening or can’t be done hurts deeply - it’s also very likely not ‘true.’

If the themes in your stories cause you pain, they’re often related to your worth as a human being.

That you’re not enough, that you’re too much, that you’re too broken, that something isn’t meant for you.

That people don’t show up for you because of who you are.

Or that your loneliness is caused by some sort of defect within you.

But none of that is actually true.

Your worth as a human being cannot be questioned.

You’re enough, now and always.

You always deserve love, care, tenderness, and understanding.

You’re human and you’re fallible, but that’s part of what makes you beautiful, relatable, dynamic, and interesting.

Just start to notice - when the stories start to feel really painful, are they tied back to your worth as a person?
If so, take a breath and let it go. It’s not true.

Resume from a place of compassion and knowing that you are lovable and worthy, even if you’re not getting what you need in this moment.

Want help developing greater self compassion and connecting back to the Self that believes in your worth?

I love the modality of @synergeticplaytherapy when

I love the modality of @synergeticplaytherapy when working with kids. More so, I love the clear articulation of the benefits and the neurobiology behind it.
•
Adapted from Synergetic Play Therapy.

Thanks @lindsaystenzelcounseling for continuing to share such beautiful ways you’re brought SPT into your work as a therapist 💕 Some thoughts on what it means to heal through relationship in therapy, and a glimpse into my approach to my work. Research shows time and time again that no matter the modality, the approach, it’s the relationship in therapy that ultimately makes the difference and leads to change. The relationships I develop with children and their families are so special to me, and I’m so grateful that these relationships lead to healing and growth 🌸

Not broken, beautiful.

Repost from @theeqschool
•
My heart goes out to the many people who struggle with emotional self-regulation, often because they/we grew up in homes with parents who could barely hold space for their own feelings, let alone those of the overwhelmed child in front of them.

In our society, we come from a lineage of “spare the rod, spoil the child,” and phrases such as, “I’ll give you something to cry about!” that focused primarily on getting a child to “behave” in the moment, instead of working to help them learn how to emotionally regulate. Bribery to stop our feelings didn’t help either.

This has produced many adults who doubt their own emotional responses to their environments and feel deep shame for having big feelings.

But the reality is that your big feelings are actually confirmation of your humanity and that you’re NOT broken.

It IS a reasonable response to feel sadness and anger when someone continues to disregard your feelings or needs (time and time and time again). And when you continue to shut down instead of communicating, setting boundaries, or advocating for yourself, and you continue to ignore these feelings for the ‘sake of the relationship,’ they don’t just go away - they begin showing up as symptoms in the body, through anxiety, depression, burn out, or any number of ways.

It’s your body letting you know that you never fully processed and honored your feelings, and that something needs to change.

As a human being, your emotions are designed to keep you alive - they help you interface with the world and give your information about your needs. But you have to learn about the be in relationship WITH them, not just push them away.

#youmatter #feeling #emotion #hope #connection #trauma #body #mind

I think so often, even in some therapies, we are r

I think so often, even in some therapies, we are readily given platitudes that merely end up dismissing or diminishing the true depth and value of our emotional experiences.

Repost from @sarahpeytonauthor
•
How do you typically meet your emotions? Perhaps, like many of us, you’ve learned to approach them with analysis, solutions, or dismissal. Our culture often values efficiency.

However, healing unfolds in connection, in shared understanding.

When we respond with judgment, minimization, or even well-meaning advice, we unintentionally lose resonance.

But can we find our way back to resonance? Yes, because resonance is a skill, a practice we can reclaim.

If you are looking to restore resonance, I invite you to consider practicing this - instead of seeking to fix, practice pausing and offer acknowledgement: “Would you like to acknowledge how overwhelming this is?” or “Of course you’re feeling exhausted right now.”

#hope #trauma #dismissed #pain #loss #connection #emotional #emotion #feeling #experience #therapy

Repost from rebelthriver • Sometimes the grief i

Repost from rebelthriver
•
Sometimes the grief isn’t just for what was, but for what will never be.

The imagined life.

The children never born.

The love that didn’t grow old.

The version of you that never got to exist in the safety you craved.

What we often call regret is sometimes unspoken trauma—
the echo of dreams deferred by harm,
the ache of futures stolen, not simply lost.

We don’t just mourn the past—we mourn the selves we were never allowed to become.

And yet, even in that ache, there is quiet power.

To name the loss.

To honor it.

And then, in our own time—
to choose life again.

꩜🕊️♥︎ Ella

#trauma #dv #dfv #loss #grief #abuse #neglect #childhoodtrauma

I think sometimes it feels like we need to work ou

I think sometimes it feels like we need to work ourselves harder, push ourselves harder, keep ourselves going in order to escape the ongoing sense of lost mess or emptiness or perhaps helplessness that stems from deep within. This isn’t simply the momentum to survive, this is the drive to become that is innate within all of us.

It’s just sometimes, that push, that drive, that momentum negates the very real parts of our Self that are alive in each moment…

Repost from @awakenwithally
•
Q: “It can be so challenging to see clarity if you’re in a state of overwhelm. Mostly just trying to feel what dysregulation feels like versus what clarity feels like so I can tell the difference”.

1. Clarity is not the absence of dysregulation—it’s the ability to see what’s here.

Clarity doesn’t mean everything should be calm, clear, or pain-free. It means: “I can recognize the state I’m in, understand what it needs and act on it.”

Clarity, in this context, might sound like:

“My system is in overwhelm right now.”

“I feel mental fog, tension, urgency, collapse.”

“There’s limited energy and a lot of activation.”

“This isn’t all of me—this is a state I’m in.”

“What is this state asking for right now? Noticing where and how I’m dismissing my needs and capacity.”

In this way, clarity becomes the space between you and your state. And that space makes attuned action possible.

2. Clarity and attunement go hand in hand.

When we’re in a dysregulated state—especially overwhelm—clarity can feel impossibly far away. That’s not a failure; that’s physiology.

But the moment you begin to attune to the needs of your current state (overwhelm)—rather than resisting, analyzing, or trying to rise above it—your system begins to stabilize. And as regulation increases, new layers of clarity naturally emerge. That’s the unfolding intelligence of your system. Trust it.

Continued from OP - Awaken with Ally in comments…

I think some of the nuances definitely lie in know

I think some of the nuances definitely lie in knowing what is past and what is present - and certainly what relational fears still feel present in an embodied way, and knowing that felt-sense makes sense…

Repost from @primaltrust_official
•
Grieve the person you had to become to survive.

The one shaped by trauma, hypervigilance, and doing what it took to feel safe.

She/he was necessary, wise and got you here.

But now…

Begin to learn the person you were born to be.

The one who doesn’t live in fight or flight.

The one who feels joy in the body, peace in their cells, and safety in stillness.

This is what happens when the nervous system heals.

You don’t just feel better—you remember who you really are.

#trust #betrayal #hope #self #trauma #truth #wisdom #relationships

I really value this understanding… Widsom from

I really value this understanding…

Widsom from @ifstherapy_annavincentz
•
What’s the difference between fear and anxiety?

In general you can see fear as telling you that something needs attention on the outside (often in the here and now), whereas anxiety shows you what needs attention on the inside, but most often in relation to the outside (past, present or to some degree future).

None are pleasant. Both are your friends. When we don’t listen to what’s underlying the reaction, it tends to grow.

Learning to listen, to notice the difference between fear and anxiety and to help the parts of you that are reaching out, changes the anxiety from big and scary, to little and scared; needing to be cared for. Connecting inside changes everything.

#widsom #fear #anxiety #past #present #future #hope #trauma #ptsd #pain

In case no one has ever explicitly told you…. Y

In case no one has ever explicitly told you….

You matter.

Images from @theempoweredtherapist 🙏🏻❤️

I love the way this is expressed - to feel the bou

I love the way this is expressed - to feel the boundary is to know the line between calm regulated states and moving toward dysregulated states.

Repost from @dr.alexandra.solomon
•
I said this to my undergrads in lecture on Tuesday and it seemed to land, so I’m sharing it here with you. When we’re talking about boundaries, we sometimes focus on the other person- what we will or will not tolerate in someone else’s behavior or demeanor. Those are rules or limits or expectations.

A boundary is about me checking in with me to ensure that I am caring for MYSELF in my relationship with YOU.

And why do I need a process of steady check in with myself?

1. Because I get to choose me and care for me and tend to me.

2. Because our relationship is going to hit a very low ceiling of intimacy, connection, depth, and richness if I am a ticking time bomb of resentment and dysregulation.

A healthy boundary is BOTH self-protective (caring for me) AND loving (caring for you and us).

My preference is for you to FEEL your way into your boundaries- rather than having your therapist or a social media post tell you exactly where to put them. Feel your way into your boundary by checking in with your nervous system.

- When your nervous system is regulated, you feel calm, generous, patient and present.

- When your nervous system is dysregulated, you feel anxious, crabby, distracted, and bitter.

Your boundary is the line between regulated and dysregulated.

There are things we can (and should) do to create more capacity in our nervous systems (see: therapy, mindfulness, movement, breath work, journaling, etc).

These practices are good and healing for us period. But they also help us really learn what regulation even feels like so that we are better able to notice when we’ve moved out of calm into pissy. In order to feel our way into a workable and healthy boundary we have to be able to feel and attend to our internal cues. We have to get familiar with that contrast.

Here’s to boundaries that help us heal and connect. 💓

All of the above! Repost from @livefromsnacktime

All of the above!

Repost from @livefromsnacktime
•

This is, this can be, some of the most challenging

This is, this can be, some of the most challenging “stuff” to hold as an adult… to realise my own worth and to work toward actually believing it…

Repost from @theeqschool
•
We are inherently relational creatures.

We become who we are through our early relationships, and if our early relationships did not provide a sense of safety, and our worth was not regularly mirrored back to us, if it appeared contingent upon our behavior, looks, or external approval, we will continue to live out that pattern; looking for our worth outside of ourselves.

But your worth is inherent.

It is not dependent upon your productivity, your “niceness,” your looks.

It doesn’t develop over time. It doesn’t recede.

It’s at the core of who you are.

You are always worthy of love, warmth, kindness, and understanding.

The hard thing is, if we were given love, warmth, kindness, and understanding - if it was modeled to us - then that’s how we relate to ourselves. We’ll experience doubt and distress, too, but we’ll also be able to meet ourselves compassionately.

If we weren’t given this model, then we live out the pattern that was modeled to us - until we do the work to change that pattern.

The thing is, that after we move into adulthood, no other adult has the same ability to impact us so completely anymore. As adults, we have to be an active participant in the healing process; in the shifting of old patterns.

Other people can provide safety, modeling, mirroring, compassion, and love, but if we aren’t willing to do the work to let it in, to allow ourselves to open up and process old patterns and pain - then it won’t work.

This is why we can’t heal other people.
And why no one can give you your self worth.

You have to be willing to meet yourself in new, uncomfortable but compassionate, kind, and tolerant ways.

You have to be willing to sit in discomfort, to meet yourself differently, to walk away from those who do not see or value your worth.
You have to be willing to let other people see more of you.

It’s not easy. But it is possible.

Repost from @the_therapist_parent • Young childr

Repost from @the_therapist_parent
•
Young children are still developing the brain structures and skills needed for emotional awareness and language. When they feel something big—like anger, fear, or sadness—it often shows up through their bodies and behaviors: crying, tantrums, shutting down, or even physical complaints like tummy aches.

They’re not being manipulative or dramatic—they’re dysregulated. And their “acting out” is actually a cry for connection and co-regulation.

As parents, our role isn’t to stop the feeling—it’s to help our kids feel safe while they feel it. Over time, with support, they learn the words and tools they need to express emotions more clearly.

Hold space first. Teach skills second. Connection always comes before correction.

As someone who tends to “over-intellectualise”

As someone who tends to “over-intellectualise” things in order to feel a sense of clarity and certainly I find this quite helpful personally and professionally

Repost from @trauma_therapists

Repost from @findyourshinetherapy • For anyone w

Repost from @findyourshinetherapy
•
For anyone who has been been told they are too sensitive, too emotional, too self-reliant, too vigilant, too deep, too intense…

Perhaps you are not too much of anything - perhaps you actually have just gotten really good at keeping yourself safe when safety wasn’t guaranteed. 💛

Repost from @kayatoastforthesoul.sg • In the man

Repost from @kayatoastforthesoul.sg
•
In the many pains of life, in the sufferings that happen to us along the way, it will feel like we’ve lost parts of ourselves.

Parts of ourselves that we feel like we’ll never get back again.

Maybe it’s that innocent, unblemished, almost carefree version of ourselves.

Maybe it’s the “better” version of ourselves that we could’ve been if we didn’t go through what we did.

Wondering what life would be like now if we weren’t perhaps so broken.

And didn’t have to go through all this pain.

That’s grief, plain and simple.

The loss of potential for ourselves. Knowing we are capable of more but somehow limited by our experiences, our conditions

The loss of a better life and a future we envisioned for ourselves.

That’s grief.

—

And you are allowed to grieve .

You are allowed to be sad, upset, angry. You are allowed to feel like all this has been unfair.

Because it is.

No one chooses suffering, but suffering came to you instead.

So grieve.

But in doing so and while you may mourn the parts of yourselves you’ve lost along the way...

Know that with time and healing, you will find NEW ones too.

You will, okay?

——

To me, that’s the childhood trauma I went through, the loss of my youth and innocence.

The loss of my adolescence and the happiness and the relationships I could’ve experienced too.

The loss of what I could’ve been if so many things didn’t happen to me along the way. Or if I didn’t fail so much in my life, if I didn’t give up at times.

But tell you what, things may have happened and though I’ve lost things along the way.

Somehow, I’m still utterly happy with where I am now.

Because through this pain, through this suffering, somehow I’ve found this version of myself that I really cherish and loved

The one that still holds to pain, but the one filled with purpose too.

Surrounded by people I love

And to you out there, I hope and know you’ll find the same thing too.

So don’t give up okay?

Grief as much as you need.

But let’s keep going,
Hernping

#hope #grief #meaning #childhood #trauma

Oooph, I know this one plays into many of our hist

Oooph, I know this one plays into many of our histories - perhaps especially if by “protected” we refer to the more ambiguous relational interactions that left us feeling alone and fearful, too scared to show anything but a mask of okayness…

Repost from @haileypaigemagee
•
It can come as a shock: When you realize that other people had the gift of being protected *by* their caregivers, and you had to be protected *from* your caregivers.

This is a formative experience of betrayal: a formative experience that teaches you that your most intimate connections are not necessarily safe or secure.

In many ways, this becomes your template for future relationships, too. You don’t expect safety or security in your relationships because you’ve never had it before. And deep down, you might not even believe you are worthy of it.

I want you to know: You were deserving of the protection you didn’t receive.

You deserved to feel like you could be *you*⁠—needs, feelings, and all⁠—and not risk others’ anger, rage, or harm.

You deserved to feel safe, held, and understood.

And you still do ♥️

#safe #hope #protect #fear #worrh #connection #protection #security #boundaries #betrayal #trauma

Repost from @the.trauma.educator • A nervous sys

Repost from @the.trauma.educator
•
A nervous system shaped by trauma often learned that expression was unsafe.

It learned to bury needs, swallow truth, reject emotions, and shrink power—not because it was broken, but because the goal was to defend and protect in conditions that were unsafe and unpredictable.

Over time, the body’s authentic expression began to feel like a threat.

But healing is not about forcing those parts of you out all at once.

It’s about slowly teaching your body to contain the truth of what you feel.

That you can say what needs to be said, cry when the tears come, shake when your body needs to move—without losing yourself in it.

Not swinging between total shutdown and explosive outburst.

But building the inner container to hold yourself as you slowly let more of you come to the surface.

#trauma #pain #self #hope #connection #lost #truth

Repost from @dueyfreeman • One of the biggest mi

Repost from @dueyfreeman
•
One of the biggest misconceptions we carry—whether in our relationships with people or with horses—is that control equals safety.   That if we can just manage every variable, tighten every rein, dictate every step, nothing can go wrong.

But control isn’t about safety.

It’s about fear. 
When we don’t trust, we compensate by gripping tighter.

We micromanage, we anticipate failure, we leave no room for another being to have their own experience. And in doing so, we sever the very connection we’re trying to protect.

Horses show us this every day.

A tightly held rein creates tension, not trust. A controlled, rigid ask leads to resistance, not partnership. When we soften, when we offer a space of mutual trust rather than control, we see the same in return. 
People aren’t much different. The more we grip, the more we push away the closeness we crave. The real work isn’t in controlling others—it’s in learning to trust and being worthy of trust in return.

Repost from @dueyfreeman • When raising children

Repost from @dueyfreeman
•
When raising children, the distinction we make between their doings and their being shapes their self-worth.

By consistently applying love to our language, we teach our kids that while actions can be corrected, their value remains unshakeable. How do you communicate this essential lesson in your home?

It’s a journey of reconnecting with who we have

It’s a journey of reconnecting with who we have been all along 💕

Repost from @primaltrust_official
•
This is one of the most powerful mindset shifts we can make in healing.

Because the truth is—most of us didn’t land on this path because everything was fine. We came here carrying anxiety, fatigue, chronic symptoms, emotional overwhelm… wondering, What’s wrong with me?

But what if nothing was ever wrong with you?

What if your body, your mind, your spirit were simply responding to a lifetime of disconnection—from safety, from presence, from being seen, from the parts of you that were never given space to exist?

Healing isn’t about becoming someone new.

It’s about remembering the wholeness that’s already within you—and gently reweaving the frayed threads of connection between your mind, body, and soul.

This is not a journey of self-improvement.
It’s a journey of self-return.

#healing #trauma #self #hope #pain #journey #connection #space #value #meaning #worth #notbroken

Repost from @thepsychologistandme •

Repost from @thepsychologistandme
•

Our body holds wisdom at its finest … Repost fr

Our body holds wisdom at its finest …

Repost from @aileyjolie
•
When a client says, “I don’t feel my body,” I don’t rush to label it disconnection. I don’t pathologize it. I don’t offer a quick-fix meditation or tell them to “just breathe.” I pause. I listen. I honour it.

Because what we often call disconnection is, in truth, a form of wisdom. A protective strategy shaped by lived experience, trauma, and the deep intelligence of the nervous system.

From a somatic lens, numbness is not the absence of feeling—it’s the presence of protection. Dissociation, detachment, even the inability to locate sensation—these are not failures of healing, they are evidence of it. Evidence that the body has already been doing the hard work of surviving in a world that often asks women to endure too much, too young, and too quietly.

In a culture that glorifies productivity and emotional resilience, we’re not taught to see numbness as sacred. But I do. Not feeling your body doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means your system learned how to shield you. And that, to me, is wisdom.

#wisdom #hope #body #disconnection #dissociation #trauma #cptsd #ptsd #numb

Repost from @thesecurerelationship • Co-regulati

Repost from @thesecurerelationship
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Co-regulation has been shown to be the most effective form of regulation, but in order for couples to be able to co-regulate, each partner needs to know how to self-regulate and have the ability to stay relatively regulated even when the other partner is in distress.

Anxious, avoidant and disorganized partners all struggle with self-regulation.

Anxious and disorganized partners get overwhelmed with their feelings and emote outward, while avoidant partners fear their feelings and often emote inward or disconnect.

Co-dependency happens when partners attempt to manage their big emotions by controlling something about their partner.

Anxious and disorganized partners will often try to control things like their partner’s physical presence, the idea being “if you’re always around, I can feel safe from my fear of abandonment.”

Avoidant partners often attempt to control things like their partner’s emotional state, the idea being “if I can convince you with logic and details why you’re seeing this wrong, I can prevent a fight and that will keep me safe from the conflict I fear.”

In both cases, the control is an attempt to create safety, but at the expense of true connection and effective problem solving.

#relationships #anxious #avoidant #fearful #attachments #trauma #connection

You matter… Repost from @theeqschool • This i

You matter…

Repost from @theeqschool
•
This is for the people who are suffering in silence.

Who blame themselves for their “negativity,” who have maybe done enough work to know that the issue is theirs, so they just stew on it internally.

You’re allowed to take up space.

And your feelings DO matter, even if the trigger is wholly yours and no one else did anything “wrong.”

You deserve to be seen and to receive witnessing and support.

Healing involves bringing the dark and shame-filled parts of ourselves to light. Owning them and learning to embrace them so that they don’t own you or indirectly drive your behavior.

Yes, discernment matters.

Yes, pausing before reacting is important.

Yes, self-attuning and taking responsibility for what’s yours is imperative.

But so is letting people see you.

Including the less shiny and ‘perfect’ parts.

It’s okay that you have sensitivities, triggers, feelings. It’s okay if you have messy days where you can’t figure out why this thing is showing up again.

You’re allowed to be human. To be seen and supported, always, even when you can’t explain it or put it into a nicely wrapped package.

And we can only really be seen when we stop trying to control how everyone sees us, and show more of the whole picture.

It’s a balance, this whole human thing. We all need to get a little messy and uncomfortable in order to tease apart the tightly wound parts, to create space for growth. To create space for the things we can’t predict or control that will change our lives in ways that we can’t yet imagine.

#worth #value #hope #trauma #space #human #pause #imagine #silence #messy #support

Please take me here…. Repost from @danielkordan

Please take me here….

Repost from @danielkordan

“I don’t need you to feel guilty about being w

“I don’t need you to feel guilty about being white. Privilege is a bitter pill to swallow, but just get it done and do better.”

Repost from @neurodialectical
•
This is always a relevant topic, but especially important to repost and reflect on during Autism Awareness Month 🌈 Intersectionality and the collision of identity, privilege and oppression should always be front and centre when we are trying to create awareness and understanding.

⚠️ I’m sharing this using the context of racism, but these lessons could (and should!) also be applied to any type of privilege 🫶

My 6️⃣ Bitter Pills of Privilege to think about are:

😳 It’s supposed to be uncomfortable

📚 It’s your job to educate yourself

🤷‍♀️ You can only plead ignorance one time

👿 The devil’s advocate is a tool of privilege

❌ You aren’t qualified to say what is or isn’t harm

🏆 Getting it right does not deserve a prize

A 7th I would add after existing online over the last few days is that apologies are only meaningful when they’re unconditional 🙏

This is by no means an exhaustive list, and there are so many things that I have yet to learn. I’m grateful for the people out there who are dedicated to teaching and challenging us all 💜 To name just a few that have been most recently hard at work:

@blackspectrumscholar
@sienna.stims
@autizzticadvocate
@diversity_in_neurodiversity

Acknowledging privilege might bring up hard feelings, but they’re feelings we absolutely need to have 👌 Reflecting on feeling hurt will never equate to the actual harm that people experience, so we need to cop it on the chin and do better 💪

✨

Repost from @restored.woman • Emotionally unsafe

Repost from @restored.woman
•
Emotionally unsafe relationships are UNHEALTHY 🤍

Emotionally unsafe relationships become unsafe because you are either not “allowed” to show your emotions; they will be dismissed or be ignored, or you fear they will get angry with you..

You can’t feel safe to share if you don’t know if your partner will listen to you and make you feel heard..

Unpredictable moods and reactions create an environment where you walk on eggshells and monitor your partner, leaving you in a stage of hypervigilance....

Defensiveness is a major intimacy killer because there is no point of talking about how you feel if the other person is going to be defensive, rather than try to understand where you are coming from..

A relationship where you walk on eggshells, can’t freely express your emotions, thoughts or dare to be vulnerable is TOXIC..

You may attract these types of relationships because of how you grew up and how you learned love and relationships to be.. but, that can all change...

💞 Imagine waking up every day knowing you can trust yourself—trust yourself to set boundaries without guilt, walk away from what drains you, and attract the healthy love you deserve.

💞No more second-guessing, no more settling. When you build self-trust and own your worth, your relationships transform. You feel valued, respected, and safe—because you choose it.

#trust #hope #worth #value #meaning #trauma #respect #relationships

How poignant or apt is this for you? I be know I

How poignant or apt is this for you?

I be know I often work so hard to understand and make sense of things that it negates the reality that emotion calls for “sense-filled” expression; that is, emotion calls for a felt-sense of feeling what is real and true - through and through. It is not linial, linguistical, nor logical… and it is only in honouring the incoherece that coherent sense can truly emerge as an embodied felt sense of knowing the known.

Repost from @mindfulmft
•
Instead of what is. Because if you allowed what is, it would mean that you’d have to make sense to feel. Trying to understand can be our way of trying to avoid feeling. Trying to make sense of something can be our way of trying to get away from a devastating truth. Our systems are brilliant - the function of trying to understand is brilliant. Might you ask it what it’s trying to protect you from. And might you be willing to hear the answer.

#affect #felt #sense #feelings #truth #understand #hope #emotion #answers

Repost from @cptsdfoundation • When you have unh

Repost from @cptsdfoundation
•
When you have unhealed complex attachment trauma, any experience of disconnection can feel like an active threat. Moments of disconnection are inevitable part of human relationships, but for folks with CPTSD these instances of non-attunement activate an emotional flashback. Any degree of disconnection feels indistinguishable from the intense suffering of the chronic disconnection experienced in childhood.

When a friend or partner is disappointing or unreliable or non-attuned, it reminds someone with complex trauma of the depths of their attachment wounds.

In this way, any degree of disconnection can become intolerable. This makes it feel very unsafe to navigate relationships.

It can be so devastating when people fail to connect for those with developmental trauma stemming from lack of reliable connections.

What do we do with this?

The goal is to get to a place where mild disconnection no longer feels so agonizing. This happens when the original experience of chronic disconnection is processed, so the disconnected moments in the present no longer cause huge emotional flashbacks.

#hope #trauma #ptsd #cptsd #emotion #flashbacks #attachment #disconnection #connection

Repost from @kayatoastforthesoul.sg • “Maybe I

Repost from @kayatoastforthesoul.sg
•
“Maybe I don’t want to let go of the past just yet”

“It still means alot to me”

She said.

—

And I told her I loved those words.

Because they ring so true for me as well.

—

You see, far too often we are told to just “let it go”.

But how do we let go of something that’s still so apparent.

That still affects us.

That’s still so.. there?

We can’t. And if we could we would already.

Yes, even though we seem to struggle with it at times.

And struggle so painfully with it at other times too.

But to just let go of it?

That would mean losing a part of ourselves.

A part that hurts, but a part that we still don’t want to lose.

—

I think that’s perfectly okay, and to be true to you, I haven’t let go of my past either.

In fact, I’m holding onto mine even more tighter than ever before.

Because even though these past parts of me hold so much pain.

Even sadness and darkness at times.

They hold so much immense purpose to me too.

And over time, I’ve learnt to honour all these parts of mine.

Yes, even the ones I used to hold shame and resentment to.

Because I think that’s what real healing is.

A reconnection to ALL of ourselves.

And honouring the journeys that every single one of our parts have been through.

Still healing too,
Hernping

#journey #letgo #honor #holdon #sadness #pain #past #present #meaning #memories #hope

Repost from @decolonizingtherapy • 🌿 Generati

Repost from @decolonizingtherapy
•
🌿 Generational trauma doesn’t just live in your memories—it lives in your nervous system. In your cells. In your body’s response to stress.

That’s epigenetics: the science of how trauma can be passed down through our biology.
🧬 If your ancestors survived colonialism, displacement, or systemic violence, your body may still be carrying the imprint.

😰 Tension with no clear trigger?
💔 Grief you can’t explain?
🔥 That’s not dysfunction—it’s a survival response.

But here’s the truth:
You are not broken.
You are the pattern breaker.
Your healing sends ripples through time—backward, forward, and now.

👩🏽‍⚕️ Therapists + healing practitioners:
Before labeling symptoms as pathology, ask:
➡️ What did their lineage endure?
➡️ What systems are still active in their body today?

Talk therapy is not enough.
💆🏽‍♀️ Somatic work
🧬 Ancestral reconnection
🛡️ Decolonized care
All of it matters. All of it heals.

🧠 Non-therapists:
If you’ve ever felt pain with no origin, fear with no cause, or grief that isn’t fully yours—
You’re not imagining it.

You’re remembering through the body.

And you deserve tools that name it, hold it, and help you move through it.

📚 Learn more in Decolonizing Therapy by Dr. Jennifer Mullan

Eloquent articulation by @ourembodiedhealing • W

Eloquent articulation by @ourembodiedhealing
•
When we grow up not being or feeling seen, understood, accepted, and supported, with grownups who aren’t able to consistently attune and attend to our needs, who—for a HUGE variety of reasons—in some way lack the ability to ensure we feel worthy of existing and belonging, it’s inevitable that we’ll develop the embodied belief that the reason our needs are going unmet is because there is something fundamentally wrong with us.

Our story of developmental trauma becomes one of “I am unlovable, in a loving world,” and patterns of survival and deep defenses that have us forever seeking to be good begin. We set on a course of striving—both implicitly and explicitly—to fix or contort or suppress or improve ourselves, in order to become worthy and included and loved.

There’s no way we could have decided anything different, as we can now as an adult. As a child, our grownups are our universe. And if the Truth were that “I am lovable, in an unloving universe,” to the small, soft infant or child there would be no hope left, and no reason or will to continue to exist, no comfort to contain the monumental pain of that potential void.

But if *I* am bad, there is, strangely, hope to continue on. Becoming the unworthy one both protects the attachment to our grownups—which is essential to our survival—AND preserves the possibility that there is love in this world. And yet, in doing so we begin what is often a lifetime of striving and seeking to make or prove ourselves whole…when the reality is that we were never broken. YOU were never broken. You’ve actually been lovable from the very start 💓

#story #trauma #love #hope #protection #connection #defence #truth #light #youareenough

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Chele Yntema is a Registered Clinical Counsellor and Trauma Specialist.

In the spirit of reconciliation I acknowledges the Traditional Custodians of Country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. I pay my respect to their Elders past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples today. I am committed to inclusion across race, culture, ethnicity, gender, sex, sexuality, religion, and ability. I recognise that people from diverse communities face systemic barriers and seek to challenge the current system and strive for change that makes mental health and wellbeing accessible to and inclusive for all.

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