Ambiguous trauma is that which originates from repeated developmental experiences of emotional neglect or abandonment. An ambiguity that relates to what was missing throughout development or that which has been lost over time.
Rather than overt abuse or clear incidents of harm, ambiguous trauma is the hidden heartache that comes from not being able to clearly define or articulate various experiences throughout childhood that have left us feeling a disconnection between the knowing (implicit, interoceptive, and intuit knowledge of the authentic Self) and the known (explicit, ‘factual’, and learned knowledge from Others and the World).
These various experiences of disconnection may have been repeated instances where, in order to remain in close proximity to our caregivers or to the various collectives we belong to (attachment), we had to suppress or relinquish certain parts of ourselves or our personality (authenticity).
That is, order to survive we instinctively began to internalise the dichotomy between attachment and authenticity, making the necessary choice toward attachment (to the caregiver or to the collective). This then creating non-conscious states or traits that suppress our authentic sense of Self; a suppression of our instinctive emotional-motivational drives that offers some level of attachment.
With this in mind, ambiguous trauma is thus the trauma of emotional isolation within a time where being seen, heard, understood, accepted, valued, and even delighted in is imperative to one’s sense of identity and belonging; the overwhelming feeling of emotional separation and the felt sense that one does not make sense, or that one is ashamedly ‘different’ or ‘wrong’ when acting from an authentic sense of Self.
Ambiguous trauma is the trauma of confusion, uncertainty, and insecurity – a vague betrayal often beyond fathomable comprehension.
