I wonder sometimes if we mistake children’s messages as misbehaviours? Are emotional outbursts misconstrued as “wrong” rather than a request for an underlying need?
Or perhaps there are stressors in children we do not quite understand or relate to? Stressors that leave our children with the need for more overt self- regulation skills.
Stuart Shanker (2016) writes “Bad behavior is often a sign that children are stressed—and punishment isn’t the best solution.” He states “A parent’s reaction to a child’s stress is important to their later ability to self-regulate, starting in the first years of their life. Nature intends for human parents to play a close, nurturing role with their offspring and to take advantage of the “interbrain”—the shared intuitive channel of communication between a parent and child that is maintained by touch, shared gaze, voice, and, most of all, shared emotion. This is what helps a stressed child develop a way of self-soothing that will stay with them and allow them to cope with stressors in their lives.” How we as parents react to our children’s behaviour, no matter what it is, is an important step in developing their self-regulating skills, which will in turn develop resilience and the ability to cultivate wellbeing later in life.
Read the full article:
Five Ways to Help Misbehaving Kids
Bad behavior is often a sign that children are stressed—and punishment isn’t the best solution
