Embodied Relational Knowings

Embodied Relational Knowings

Posted on by Chele Yntema
The body remembers what the mind forgets. It holds the story of love, of lack, of longing — not in words, but in gesture, in posture, in silence. Author Unknown Embodied Relational Knowings Have you ever reacted in a certain way with others that seemingly happens no matter how hard you try to change it?Appeasing or people-pleasing; distancing or doubting; shrinking or shielding?These may be embodied relational knowings - patterns of Self-protection that you implicitly...Read More

For the Invisible Ones

Posted on by Chele Yntema
A beautiful composition that speaks with heart to the lasting impact of childhood neglect, and the courage of one woman to create change. For the Invisible Ones by Aven Harper "Emotional and relational absence in childhood takes many forms and has a wide range of impacts. This short film describes the singular experience of being an ‘ignored child’. There is a great deal more to emotional neglect than is shown in this video. It comes...Read More

Homeostasis

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Though we may not always pay attention to it, within every living thing there is an inherent and adaptive awareness.  It is an awareness that gives rise not only to the basic functionality of our living and being Self, but so too to the emergence of our sensing, perceiving, interpreting, and reacting/responding Self.  This awareness was first brought into the realms of the factual known by Claude Bernard, and while later coined homeostasis by Walter...Read More
Shame was always there

Shame was always there

Posted on by Chele Yntema
There is not a time where shame has not been present; not a time where I have not wondered “what is wrong with me”.  I was never “normal”; never good enough: never smart enough, never fast enough, never slim enough, never fit enough, never pretty enough.  Yet paradoxically I was always “too much”: too sensitive, too caring, too pale, too freckly, too fat, too emotional, too loud, too quiet, too boring, too slow.  Not enough,...Read More
Are you in conflict or collaboration?

Are you in conflict or collaboration?

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Are you in conflict or collaboration? . Even in the most dire situations I am coming to understanding the empowerment we offer by approaching others from a place of non judgmental listening. . At the same time, I am learning that for it to be collaboration, listening is not enough; though it is so very hard, I am learning that for communication to be compassionately collaborative, my listening needs to understand, to hear needs, and to...Read More
Courage

Courage

Posted on by Chele Yntema
To find the courage within us that enables us to see choice is to find and connect to our inherent heart. It is in our inherent heart that we hold the clarity, meaning, and poignancy the we need in lieu and in the light of any suffering we endure. So many times we may ask how we can help another. We want to mend, to fix, to eliminate the pain we see before us. ——...Read More
Human Freedom

Human Freedom

Posted on by Chele Yntema
What is human freedom? I used to suffer daily worrying about my “what if’s”... torturing myself allowing my mind to become exhausted by thinking. It has been journey of learning to be mindful and seeking change by taking responsibility of my thoughts. And it would be naive of me not to share that still today I often catch myself mindlessly thinking about the past or the future, swept up in ideas swirling around my mind...Read More
Freedom

Freedom

Posted on by Chele Yntema
What is Freedom? We are tangible yet intangible creatures capable of the extraordinary if only we choose to seek depth and understanding of why what is, what it is. Without depth of knowledge, without truly investigating why we are who we are, how could we possibly fathom who we could be, or who we can choose to become? For who we are is embedded, not only in our own personal biological, psychological, and sociologically history,...Read More
Hope

Hope

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Reading about hope we may often assume that hope comes from setting explicit intentions or following dreams, ambitions, and aspirations. —- Yet, if in the past you have been taught, shown, or lived in experiences where relationships have negated to support courage and achievement (no matter how small that step in the right direction) then how could you possibly draw out a feeling hope? Or to embody the feeling that there is unfathomable possibility in...Read More
You only lose what you cling to…

You only lose what you cling to…

Posted on by Chele Yntema
I never really understood concepts like this until I left a life that wasn’t fitting well with my soul. At the time I thought what I was clinging to was the “right thing”. That holding fast to embedded and imbued traditionalist values that I had been taught, yet that I had not had the courage to fully examine with my own true heart. —- It took time, patience with myself, and hope in what I...Read More
Silence and Solitude

Silence and Solitude

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Nowhere can man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul. Marcus Aurelius, Meditations Each day I ensure I cultivate a space for silence in solitude. It is in this space that I find my breath and simply allow myself to pay attention. Thoughts come thoughts go. Sensations come and sensations go. With each one I see or feel I come back to my breath. Often this coming back creates a...Read More
Choices

Choices

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Choices, Choices, Choices... Reading an article yesterday, and today as I came to start writing about meditation  (the what, the why, the science, and the how)  I can’t help to think about the precious gift we have been given in the ability to choose. To me choices are an endowment of autonomy; and yes sometimes it is hard and sometimes there are fights happening within my soul that almost leave me paralysed! Yet at the...Read More
The final word is love…

The final word is love…

Posted on by Chele Yntema
“The final word is love… To love we must know each other … and we know each other in the breaking of bread, and we are not alone any more. Heaven is a banquet and life is a banquet, too, even with a crust, where there is companionship. We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community.” I think sometimes it...Read More
I am who I am

I am who I am

Posted on by Chele Yntema
I am who I am. Listening to a podcast this afternoon I began to remember why I am who I am, and why paying attention to why I am who I am is important. To know the wounds of my heart and to be guided by them, not in hate or hurt, not through anger or vengeance, but in kindness, compassion, and in the freedom to give my joyous hope in love, faith, and hope......Read More
The Gift

The Gift

Posted on by Chele Yntema
The Gift in sadness... Though there still remains a deep grief, there is a place in my heart that can accept my past for the gift it has given me. Without my past I wouldn’t be who I am today, I wouldn’t believe in an ever present God who loves me, and most of all, I wouldn’t have been blessed with my beautiful miracle daughter. [content_block id=1189 slug=thank-you]
Compassion and Kindness

Compassion and Kindness

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Self care and the intention to cultivate a compassionate space for ourselves first and foremost is not selfish. Without attuning first to our inherent needs for safety, rest, sustenance, connection, and self expression we are unable to attune to the finer qualities of our minds and hearts that allow for unconditional happiness. . And without our own internal unconditional and non judgmental grounded foundations, compassion and kindness for others cannot truly be with purity of...Read More
Trust the life that is here

Trust the life that is here

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Trust the life that is here... I think sometimes it is easy to get swept up in our ambitions, aspirations, pursuits, or perceived purposes. Yet, all the times I find myself in a swirl of hustle and bustle, trying to do this or that in pursuit of my goals I find anxiety takes over and I know deep down I am not living in my potential. It is in these times that I need space...Read More
Self Care – Rest, Recouperate, Rejuvenate

Self Care – Rest, Recouperate, Rejuvenate

Posted on by Chele Yntema
This week I have been reminded just how important it is to rest, to come back to a place where I feel connected and at peace. In winter this place for me is in the rays of light that radiate from the mid morning or afternoon sun. Self care is such a vital aspect of who we are - never forget your own inner value and the innate human need for restorative rest. [content_block id=1189...Read More
Hope

Hope

Posted on by Chele Yntema
I’ve had a bit of an anxiety stirring week, many things not “going my way” - yet as I put some of my anxieties aside and had coffee and a chat with a close friend I realised that even in the mess and chaos, even in my self doubt and internal turmoil, there was still the opportunity to see hope in everyday miracles. Small things, like the glint of happiness in a friends eyes; the...Read More
Home

Home

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Sometimes after a long draining day all I need is to be home. To be me, to enjoy being me, and to be still and present in whatever arises within me ❤️🙏🏻 [content_block id=1189 slug=thank-you]
Self Care – do not do what you are “suppose to”

Self Care – do not do what you are “suppose to”

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Quite often we find ourselves falling into the trap of doing what we feel we are “supposed to” “have to” or “need to” in the sacrifice of our own needs or of self care. Although sometimes it can be hard to tell those we respect, care about, or even those we may fear, it is important to do things in our lives because we want to. And even sometimes when we think we may not...Read More
Innate Passion

Innate Passion

Posted on by Chele Yntema
I truly believe that when you follow your innate passion the flow of life prevails: time appears to come into fruition, momentum simply flourishes, and what seems like needed discipline becomes anticipation and incitement. From the moment you were just a light in the eye of The Devine an innate passion was instilled. The choice to follow your passion is the choice to follow The Devine in you. [content_block id=1189 slug=thank-you]
Awareness

Awareness

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Listening to an amazing podcast this afternoon I found myself smiling, nodding, and agreeing out loud on the bus! I love the idea of awareness and paying attention to my thoughts without judgment, simply acknowledging their presence and simply allowing them to be... and I love that with dedicated practise I continue to improve in these skills. I have been blessed to have just a few people in my life who have opened up resources...Read More
The Human Heart

The Human Heart

Posted on by Chele Yntema
I find the human heart and the heart-brain connection such an immersive topic... I am fascinated at the findings that support what traditions and cultures have known for many moons... Our hearts guide us, they connect with others on levels beyond what we can see, and not only that, we have an innate connection with the earth that cannot be denied. Such beauty and magnificence within us and surrounding us [content_block id=1189 slug=thank-you]
The Simple Path

The Simple Path

Posted on by Chele Yntema
What does the simple path really mean? After spending a day immersed in the research of potential and what it means to cultivate a life living unto innate destiny, I am inspired more than ever to cultivate a space that fosters simple mindful presence. To make time to acknowledge the paradox’s that make this a life worth living: the hope born out of despair, the faith born from hope, the love born from faith, and...Read More
Peace Within

Peace Within

Posted on by Chele Yntema
"Peace requires something far more difficult than revenge or merely turning the other cheek; it requires empathising with the fears and unmet needs that provide the impetus for people to attack each other. Being aware of those feelings and needs, people lose their desires to attack back because they see the human ignorance leading to those attacks. Instead, their goal becomes providing the empathic connection and education that will enable them to transcend their violence...Read More
Codependency

Codependency

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Codependency can be an overwhelming, negative, and sometimes toxic cycle in relationships. Have you ever wondered why sometimes no matter how hard to try to help others, they seem to remain a victim?  Or perhaps you feel as though others often continually treat you as someone who is forever in need of rescuing or fixing, even when you know you are quite capable. Sometimes in relationships the lines of responsibility become blurred and we fall...Read More
Sense Making

Sense Making

Posted on by Chele Yntema
While I know the virtue of sense making, there is a lot of things in my life that are yet to make sense. Yet, the more I take the time in self compassion to sift through the inner workings of my mind, the more I realise just how important this is to my daughter. Knowing who I am and why I am who I am allows my daughter to know her mum completely in truth,...Read More
Belonging

Belonging

Posted on by Chele Yntema
I have always had a sense of belonging as “home” - so much so that in the depths of my trauma I can remember crying out “I just want to go home”... I resonate with the theory and practise that highlights the importance of our generations past. Of both the wounds and the triumphs that we may carry in our DNA. I think it can become easy to dismiss inherited traits, propensities, physiological memories, and...Read More
One of Those Days

One of Those Days

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Today was one of those days. One of those days where I have been overcome with feelings of “failure”. Of “not good enough”, of “the mum not coping”, and a day of self judgment that radiates into behaviours that leave me ashamed of who I am. Yet, at the same time I know that these feelings of shame and of self belittlement come from a place where never before has it been okay not to...Read More
Black and White: The Truth is Paradoxical

Black and White: The Truth is Paradoxical

Posted on by Chele Yntema
I think sometimes it is easy to forget that while life is often very black and white, life can also be seen as black or white with a spectrum of colours within and between... Though sometimes it is hard, I do wonder, what would it be like for you to work with the paradoxes of life rather than against them? To see all that is your truth as an interwoven, interconnected reality that cannot be...Read More
Faith

Faith

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Faith is knowing nothing is certain but trusting anyway... How to we learn to trust? What does it mean to have faith? Is faith only for story books? It seems, sometimes, that we live in an epoch in time where control is in the forefront of all that is done. The uncertainty of tomorrow, rather than being embraced in the knowledge that we are enough, is meet with fear and trepidation, this leading to the...Read More
Family

Family

Posted on by Chele Yntema
I am learning more and more about the interconnected nature of family. Specifically, while the past has a strong influence on us holistically, it doesn’t have to keep us trapped. Everything from the expression of an individual’s DNA and the future of what it means to break perpetual cycles of embodied disease and illness; to the future of the earth and the way we harness holistic wellbeing through intrinsic energy. We have the choice to...Read More
Understanding Hate

Understanding Hate

Posted on by Chele Yntema
  Dr Henry Cloud writes that hate is a part of what defines us and as such we need to understand hate. And while at first it seems a notion to be weary of, I resonate with the concept and believe it really does. Dr Cloud goes on to remind us that when we love something, we value it, and so when we love something it gives others a window into our souls. So too...Read More
Emotions

Emotions

Posted on by Chele Yntema
There is a flow of energy and information within ourselves and within our relationships that requires us to pay attention in times of change. Often when an emotion arises we are not quite sure what to make of it, so sometimes we choose to suppress it. Yet, if we choose to acknowledge the flow in our lives, then we can mindfully and intentionally stop to see an emotion as the active invitation to explore what...Read More
Justification of Judgement

Justification of Judgement

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Have you ever been drawn in to the justification of judgement? Listening to a podcast by @soundstrue whereby Gabriel Bernstein spoke of the powerful draw of judgment. I often find myself being drawn into judgment without realising that, underneath it there is a projection of a self judgment and an aversion of facing the wounds within. I wonder, who can I be if I stop judging myself and others? Who can I be if I choose to...Read More

A Mindful Minute of Gratitude

Posted on by Chele Yntema
A Mindful Minute of Gratitude - I always enjoy natures beauty.  I love the captivating colours of this video and the way it immerses my entire being into a feeling a gratitude for our earth. Nature’s beauty can be fleeting -- but not through Louie Schwartzberg’s lens. His stunning time-lapse photography, accompanied by powerful words from Benedictine monk Brother David Steindl-Rast, serves as a meditation on being grateful for every day. (Source)
Survival

Survival

Posted on by Chele Yntema
How do we survive? There is no separating the self from other. Nor the need to join together in compassionate care. No matter how much sometimes it seems like this world is in turmoil, with chaos and confusion, maliciousness and miscommunication, blame, shame and condemnation running rife, I truly believe that each of us can personally make the choice to change and turn towards others in respect. To show another consideration no matter how much...Read More
Judgment

Judgment

Posted on by Chele Yntema
This week I found myself feeling judged. Yet, as I took the time to compassionately understand my feelings I realised that I was the only one judging myself. The feelings of judgment I felt came from an embedded schema of “not good enough” and my own internal awareness (and pressure) to avoid giving “fix it” advice... While I cannot tell you that I am free from self pressure or judgment, I can tell you that...Read More
Culture

Culture

Posted on by Chele Yntema
I love learning about my families heritage and appreciating the culture I came from, as well as the many cultures I have been immersed in within my lifetime. It is an amazing thing to delve into your past and to create a sense of self based in a relationally rich narrative...it opens ours eyes to why we do what we do.
Misbehaviour

Misbehaviour

Posted on by Chele Yntema
I wonder sometimes if we mistake children’s messages as misbehaviours? Are emotional outbursts misconstrued as “wrong” rather than a request for an underlying need? Or perhaps there are stressors in children we do not quite understand or relate to? Stressors that leave our children with the need for more overt self- regulation skills. Stuart Shanker (2016) writes “Bad behavior is often a sign that children are stressed—and punishment isn’t the best solution.” He states “A...Read More
Life is a Verb

Life is a Verb

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Life is a Verb, not a noun Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed I hear the words “I can’t do this” mindlessly exiting my mouth... At the same time there is a knowing within me that seems to just persevere even in the deepest of grief. I was reminded this morning (by a Tara Brach Podcast) that I am, that as humans we all are, vulnerable within our transient mortality - that there is an impermanence...Read More
Vulnerability

Vulnerability

Posted on by Chele Yntema
My heart broke a little this week... and I ended up having “one of those days” all week... Today is one of those days. One of those days I wish the world would just stop. One of those days where I wish things could be different. One of those days that for just one second I want to change what isn’t. Yet, at the same time it is one of those days where seconds after...Read More
Should

Should

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Quite often I find myself so fixated on what I “should” have done; what I “should” be doing; or even “it shouldn’t be this way!”; I forget that the sensations or emotions that arise before the judgement of “should” are simply measures of movement or indicators of change. Instead of “should” what would it be like to notice? Notice the sensations of wanting things to be different. Take the time to non-judgementally nurture the feeling...Read More
Light

Light

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Eloquently spoken words encapsulating the true essence of my values. We are all meant to shine ☀ You are born to manifest what is within you, to be liberated into who you are. Honour yourself and your dreams. You are worth it. Listen to this amazing podcast on Sounds True on the golden shadow within. "This golden shadow is a very hard shadow to detect in one's self, and it's a very humbling shadow when...Read More
Speak Out

Speak Out

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Never stay silent when a friend is in need. Remember, words spoken against someone: social rejection, has the power to activate the same area of the brain as harmful physical actions. Protect the ones you love. Be assertive, yet compassionate.
Against Punishment

Against Punishment

Posted on by Chele Yntema
I often struggle with how to set boundaries with my little girl. At the same time I have become so aware that most of the time her behaviours come from a very real need to both connect and be seen. So I am practicing more and more lately to pause and to show myself compassion before reacting to her behaviours. The pause allows me to breathe, to come back to what I need and what...Read More
Attention

Attention

Posted on by Chele Yntema
My favourite saying from Dr Dan Siegel! “What that means is that where you help a child focus attention, like on their internal state or for empathy on the state of another person or family member or yourself —“Here’s what I’m feeling right now”—you’re stimulating neuronal activation. You don’t have to be a neurosurgeon to help create an integrated, structurally strong brain in your child. You have to have a relationship that inspires them to...Read More
Loss

Loss

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Grief and loss is not just an experience of the mind - it is an experience within our entire identity, a pain that penetrates into the depths of our physical, psychological, and relational being...
Should

Should

Posted on by Chele Yntema
I wonder what it would be like each time you “should” yourself or another to non judgmentally ask “can I accept this moment for what it is?” Instead of wishing for or expecting instant change in self or in another, accept the present or the past, or others opinions. To know that as this moment is right now... You are enough. You are perfect. Marshall Rosenberg - Non-Voilent Communication