My heart broke a little this week… and I ended up having “one of those days” all week… Today is one of those days.
One of those days I wish the world would just stop. One of those days where I wish things could be different. One of those days that for just one second I want to change what isn’t.
Yet, at the same time it is one of those days where seconds after I think the thoughts that used to keep me trapped, my body begins to shake, the tears come flooding out, and the anger, the pain, the deep sorrow that remains from 15 years of denigration begins to ease its grip on my body.
In an instant that seems like an eternity, the workings of my mind remind me that this belongs, that this pain needs a voice, that even though the shadows of my past may seem to be spinning out of control, in fact this intense presence of exposed vulnerability is here for a reason.
For it is in this vulnerability that I find the courage to truly fathom and feel the extent of the noxiousness that comes from disrespect, devaluation, debasing denial, and the continued denigrating demand of another.
In vulnerability I begin to sense that which has no words.
Indeed, it is in vulnerability that I come to acknowledge that today is one of those days.
One of those days that needs my entire being to stop. To mindfully stop and literally breathe. A day where no change is needed but a change in my intention to come back and to compassionately connect with my heart and to breathe into my true hearts desire.
