misbehaviour

Misbehaviour

Posted on by Chele Yntema
I wonder sometimes if we mistake children’s messages as misbehaviours? Are emotional outbursts misconstrued as “wrong” rather than a request for an underlying need? Or perhaps there are stressors in children we do not quite understand or relate to? Stressors that leave our children with the need for more overt self- regulation skills. Stuart Shanker (2016) writes “Bad behavior is often a sign that children are stressed—and punishment isn’t the best solution.” He states “A...Read More
Life is a verb

Life is a Verb

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Life is a Verb, not a noun Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed I hear the words “I can’t do this” mindlessly exiting my mouth... At the same time there is a knowing within me that seems to just persevere even in the deepest of grief. I was reminded this morning (by a Tara Brach Podcast) that I am, that as humans we all are, vulnerable within our transient mortality - that there is an impermanence...Read More
Vulnerability

Vulnerability

Posted on by Chele Yntema
My heart broke a little this week... and I ended up having “one of those days” all week... Today is one of those days. One of those days I wish the world would just stop. One of those days where I wish things could be different. One of those days that for just one second I want to change what isn’t. Yet, at the same time it is one of those days where seconds after...Read More
Should

Should

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Quite often I find myself so fixated on what I “should” have done; what I “should” be doing; or even “it shouldn’t be this way!”; I forget that the sensations or emotions that arise before the judgement of “should” are simply measures of movement or indicators of change. Instead of “should” what would it be like to notice? Notice the sensations of wanting things to be different. Take the time to non-judgementally nurture the feeling...Read More
Light

Light

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Eloquently spoken words encapsulating the true essence of my values. We are all meant to shine ☀ You are born to manifest what is within you, to be liberated into who you are. Honour yourself and your dreams. You are worth it. Listen to this amazing podcast on Sounds True on the golden shadow within. "This golden shadow is a very hard shadow to detect in one's self, and it's a very humbling shadow when...Read More
Speak out

Speak Out

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Never stay silent when a friend is in need. Remember, words spoken against someone: social rejection, has the power to activate the same area of the brain as harmful physical actions. Protect the ones you love. Be assertive, yet compassionate.
Punishment

Against Punishment

Posted on by Chele Yntema
I often struggle with how to set boundaries with my little girl. At the same time I have become so aware that most of the time her behaviours come from a very real need to both connect and be seen. So I am practicing more and more lately to pause and to show myself compassion before reacting to her behaviours. The pause allows me to breathe, to come back to what I need and what...Read More
Attention

Attention

Posted on by Chele Yntema
My favourite saying from Dr Dan Siegel! “What that means is that where you help a child focus attention, like on their internal state or for empathy on the state of another person or family member or yourself —“Here’s what I’m feeling right now”—you’re stimulating neuronal activation. You don’t have to be a neurosurgeon to help create an integrated, structurally strong brain in your child. You have to have a relationship that inspires them to...Read More
Loss

Loss

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Grief and loss is not just an experience of the mind - it is an experience within our entire identity, a pain that penetrates into the depths of our physical, psychological, and relational being...
Anger

Should

Posted on by Chele Yntema
I wonder what it would be like each time you “should” yourself or another to non judgmentally ask “can I accept this moment for what it is?” Instead of wishing for or expecting instant change in self or in another, accept the present or the past, or others opinions. To know that as this moment is right now... You are enough. You are perfect. Marshall Rosenberg - Non-Voilent Communication
Risking it all

Risking it all

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Have you ever had to risk it all? There have been a few times in my life where I have had to give up everything. The funny thing is, each time it wasn’t really because I wanted to, or because I was oriented toward success. It was because the need to be honest with myself, to be authentic, and the need to grow towards something intrinsically meaningful outweighed loosing what I had…
Epigenetic's

Did You Know?

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Love yourself and your kids healthy... “genetic factors are not the final repository of all information in the health status of an organism. We now call many disorders as lifestyle problems. Abnormal lifestyle has given rise to a host of problems and if we can change the anomalous lifestyle (through proper diet, exercise, and yoga), it is also possible to reverse the problems. It has been stated that 95% of the diseases (including cancer and...Read More
Did you know - Noise

Did You Know?

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Did you know? Silence relieves stress and tension. Silence replenishes our mental resources. In silence, we can tap into the brain’s default mode network. Getting quiet can regenerate brain cells. Source: Huffington Post - Why Silence Is So Good For Your Brain

Case Study: A Spiritual Identity Crisis

Posted on by Chele Yntema
In the darkest depths of my own lost identity I once said, “Hope knows the sun has risen even when the clouds cover every ray of light”. I wonder why it is that as humans we question pain and suffering so intently, yet we continue on? Where does our endurance come from? Why are we enfolded in both weakness and in hope (Vanier, 1998, p. 163)? How is it that some of us seem to...Read More
Memory

Our Memory is More…

Posted on by Chele Yntema
I am blessed to have a good memory. Yet at the same time I must continually cultivate and cherish it with respect. I have learned that although my memory is a gift, it is a gift that requires me to continually be mindfully present and to acknowledge the act of remembering as a holistic skill that involves body, mind, and soul ❤ Would love to hear your thoughts - do you have a good memory?...Read More
Should

The Demeaning Clutch of “Should”

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Quite often I find myself so fixated on what I “should” have done; what I “should” be doing; or even “it shouldn’t be this way!”; I forget that the sensations or emotions that arise before the judgement of “should” are simply measures of movement or indicators of change. Instead of “should” what would it be like to notice? Notice the sensations of wanting things to be different. Take the time to non-judgementally nurture the feeling...Read More

WoW! A biopsychosocial model of holistic wellbeing

Posted on by Chele Yntema
A Counselling conceptualisation and intervention based on a Wheel of Wellness. Though often it may not be recognised as such, suffering – psychological, physiological, and even cultural – is an entity: an energy that exists within and between the dimensions of human wholeness.  This energy is an enigma with a sometimes-subtle capacity to promote optimal functioning by way of enhanced adaptability and resilience (Sarafino, Caltabiano, & Byrne, 2008; Siegel, 2012).  Yet, quite often this evolutionary...Read More
The four D's of Disconnection

The four D’s of Disconnection

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Disconnection can be seen as something that has the potential to create chaotic or rigid behaviour - often this behaviour comes across as anger, frustration, depression, anxiety, or the like.  I wonder... have you ever been in the situation where a conversation turns defensive? Could it be that one of the four D's of Disconnection popped up? I wonder... The next time you notice an atmosphere of defence, notice also what may have just been said. ...Read More

Holistic Wellbeing: A Biospychosocial Perspective

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Since the dawn of human civilization, injuries, infections and other historically identified ailments have been prevalent concerns for the individual and the masses. Indeed, ancient texts speak of humans as holistic beings whereby body, mind, spirit and kinship work harmoniously to create an integrated inherent balance that can be reflected as holistic wellbeing; ailments prevail when the holistic being is out of balance. Conversely, when the scientific revolution unfolded it began to stress a separation...Read More

A life worth living: The potential within

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Though I have been troubled, I am not distressed; though I have been perplexed, anguish eluded me; though persecuted, not forsaken; subjugated, but not destroyed; I have felt what it was like to be in dire need… And so I now know, faith in spite of doubt, hope in spite of despair, and love in spite of fear... I now know that in darkness there is light. (2 Cor 4:8-9; Phil 4:12-13; 1 Cor 13:13)...Read More

The Issue is not The Issue: Interpersonal Conflict and How to Resolve it

Posted on by Chele Yntema
The Issue is not The Issue: Interpersonal Conflict Originally featuring in a book by William Steig (1990) about identity and becoming, the character Shrek and accompanying protagonists, Donkey and Fiona, were swept up by DreamWorks and converted into characters of minimal depth whereby stereotypical anxious, ambivalent, and avoidant attachments create easily identifiable conflicts that reflect our society’s perception of conflict as unpleasant and stressful (Eunson, 2007). The purpose of this article is to utilise the...Read More

My Innate Disposition: understanding my past in truth, creating coherent narrative, and coming to identity

Posted on by Chele Yntema
All alone, I sat waiting. I was lost. It was not that I did not know where I was, nor where I was going, nor even where I had come from… No, it was deeper than that. Lost was a sadness that penetrated so deep within me that my very existence seemed indifferent, dismissible, and worthless. Lost was me without worth; it was a sense that there was no such thing as an identity within...Read More

Interpersonal Trauma

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Introduction Although at times western society may portray that the essence of significance is individualism, there is an undeniable inherent connection between the “relational self” (Siegel, 2012, pp. 348 - 349) and a life in which we are able to attain well-being, meaning, and assurance in spite of pain. Yet, when the relational self is affected by prolonged interpersonal trauma (IT), what are the effects on an individual’s overarching sense of safety and significance: on...Read More

Positive Psychology

Posted on by Chele Yntema
Analysis, discussion, and framework of Positive Psychology in Counselling In a life where paradoxes are continual and individuals are dynamic yet holistic, experience is a vast entailment not only of aspects that bring about trials, tribulations and the emotions that radiate from fear; but equally of an innate human capacity to facilitate optimal well-being and the emotions that radiate from love. As such, there is a need for a counselling perspective that integrates a continuum...Read More