Today was one of those days.
One of those days where I have been overcome with feelings of “failure”. Of “not good enough”, of “the mum not coping”, and a day of self judgment that radiates into behaviours that leave me ashamed of who I am.
Yet, at the same time I know that these feelings of shame and of self belittlement come from a place where never before has it been okay not to be okay.
In my past, and certainly within the society in which I reside, it often feels as though there is an underlying ideology that mums “must cope”. That a mum who might – heaven forbid – do something that may not be in line with “optimal wellbeing” (yelling, screaming, overt drama or discipline), is to be judged.
Today was one of those days.
A day where actually yes, I am judging myself and seeming myself to be a “bad mum”. At the same time, I am aware that while this self judgment feels real (to me), it is not true.
And so, In a gentle presence tonight I open myself up to the pain of being imperfect; of allowing exhaustion, stress, pressure, sadness, vulnerability, and overwhelm to simply be there without condemnation or reproach.
Tonight I allow the core beliefs that are hiding behind my behaviours to arise and to know that while I was not the mum I wanted to be today, I can learn. I learn by I can allow myself to understand why I did what I did. I can learn by compassionately reconnecting with my child and repairing the disconnection.
And, most importantly, I can learn by opening to a space within myself that is more mindfully aware of the triggering situations, a space which begins to replace harsh beliefs with compassionate alternatives, and a space that knows it is not shameful to have “one of those days”.
Connect with me for a complimentary counselling consultation.
Welcome, my name is Chele, I am a therapist primarily specialising in Trauma & Burnout.
As a psychotherapist & PACFA registered Counsellor I work individually with beautiful humans such as yourself who feel alone, lost, confused, & overwhelmed; those of you who are longing for something different.
As such, I offer my knowledge, skills, and inherent gifts with ears that listen to hear, and a heart open to receive who you are, no matter the suffering you bring; to support you in an exploration of how your past has impacted you and the ways that shows up presently. Together we will rediscover your hope and your sense of Self; we will reconnect you to what matters reclaiming the joy and delight in life you so deserve. I welcome you to view my services or connect with me to explore how I can assist you in your journey.
